Imagine that you come to visit your friend and you are in the mood for a heart-to-heart talk. Your friend, rather than sitting down and engaging with you in an intimate manner, spends the entire time straightening up her home. You are desperately desiring to share your inner feelings and you are frustrated by your friend's inattention. Even if her efforts are geared to making her home nicer for you, that isn't why you made the effort to come.
The same is true when a person comes to communicate with Hashem. If the person spends her time talking about what she did or didn't do, or chooses to engage in a process of self-reckoning, Hashem's response is, "That's not what I want. Give me your heart. Give me your soul. Connect to me. Why are you speaking about these other things? That's for a different time." One's heart should know when it is appropriate to engage in a self-reckoning of one's behavior, and when it is time to sing songs of praise to Hashem.
Sometimes it is more comfortable to be a guest is a home that is somewhat disorganized because you feel that you are experiencing the home as it genuinely is. They haven't made any out of the ordinary efforts on your behalf, but are presenting their home as it truly is. On the other hand, if you feel that an inordinate amount of effort has been expended to preparing for your arrival, it may be beautiful, but it feels uncomfortable and fake.
In the same vein, when a person brings Hashem into her heart as is, without giving any thought to how she can present herself in a better manner, it is very precious in Hashem's eyes. The person is living in integrity and is bringing true nachas to Him.
Figuring out what you are doing right or wrong in your life has a place, but it's place is not when you are trying to connect to Hashem. Self-reckoning is focusing on one's self; davening is focusing on a relationship. Both are needed, but they are found in disparate places.
The same is true when a person comes to communicate with Hashem. If the person spends her time talking about what she did or didn't do, or chooses to engage in a process of self-reckoning, Hashem's response is, "That's not what I want. Give me your heart. Give me your soul. Connect to me. Why are you speaking about these other things? That's for a different time." One's heart should know when it is appropriate to engage in a self-reckoning of one's behavior, and when it is time to sing songs of praise to Hashem.
Sometimes it is more comfortable to be a guest is a home that is somewhat disorganized because you feel that you are experiencing the home as it genuinely is. They haven't made any out of the ordinary efforts on your behalf, but are presenting their home as it truly is. On the other hand, if you feel that an inordinate amount of effort has been expended to preparing for your arrival, it may be beautiful, but it feels uncomfortable and fake.
In the same vein, when a person brings Hashem into her heart as is, without giving any thought to how she can present herself in a better manner, it is very precious in Hashem's eyes. The person is living in integrity and is bringing true nachas to Him.
Figuring out what you are doing right or wrong in your life has a place, but it's place is not when you are trying to connect to Hashem. Self-reckoning is focusing on one's self; davening is focusing on a relationship. Both are needed, but they are found in disparate places.
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