When one is focused on the external it is possible to be immediately engulfed in passion and to feel very connected. However, very quickly it will become evident that you are in a lose-lose situation and have not even touched on the most fundamental aspects of a relationship.
By contrast, when one is focused on the inner beauty, the essential beauty of the other person's soul (rather than on their superficial strong and weak points), then it is a longer path. However, it offers the opportunity to connect soul-to-soul and to create a love that is not dependent on anything. The external beauty is secondary and serves what is primary - the inner connection.
This is how true Shalom Bayis and tranquility can be created. Even if one party has real deficiencies (e.g. is very forgetful, can't be relied on as far as punctuality is concerned) since the other person draws the life of the relationship from the inner connection, peace reigns. Or if one is very financially successful or brilliant and the other is lacking these, they do not have to become factors that disrupt the relationship. Each one is happy for the other with what they have and is drawing life out of the essential connection they share.
This is why people who are very different can have strong friendships. This is because the friendship is not predicated on external factors
By contrast, when one is focused on the inner beauty, the essential beauty of the other person's soul (rather than on their superficial strong and weak points), then it is a longer path. However, it offers the opportunity to connect soul-to-soul and to create a love that is not dependent on anything. The external beauty is secondary and serves what is primary - the inner connection.
This is how true Shalom Bayis and tranquility can be created. Even if one party has real deficiencies (e.g. is very forgetful, can't be relied on as far as punctuality is concerned) since the other person draws the life of the relationship from the inner connection, peace reigns. Or if one is very financially successful or brilliant and the other is lacking these, they do not have to become factors that disrupt the relationship. Each one is happy for the other with what they have and is drawing life out of the essential connection they share.
This is why people who are very different can have strong friendships. This is because the friendship is not predicated on external factors
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