Creating an External & Internal Relationship: 2a

There is a very fundamental concept to remember about relationships. In addition to the connection forged by the relationship, each party to the relationship remains their own individual person. In addition to their individual selves there is a point of connection that they share. This is the inner connection, the love and connected hearts. However, the external behavior they each demonstrate separately is born of the fact that they remain themselves and are not identical to each other.

This is why the Torah permits the possibility of divorce. Write a few lines on paper and the relationship is ended. Or if a spouse dies after decades of marriage the surviving spouse may marry another as if the long relationship never existed. The reason is because even though the relationship was a point of connection for the two, but they still remained individuals. If the point of connection has ended, the individual still remains.

This is very important to keep in mind. One party to a relationship shouldn't feel that the other must change his or her nature to be similar to the other. The front wall of the house can't become the side wall, it is only by each wall performing its unique function can the house stand. The walls form the space in which the house becomes habitable. So, too, in an interpersonal relationship. Each party has his or her own unique way of doing things which remains even within the bounds of the relationship.