Monday, November 19, 2012

Creating an External & Internal Relationship :1a

Picture two people who are in many respects very close however one of them has a behavioral quirk that really annoys the other. That behavior will affect the entire relationship. Even though it is external and is not a byproduct of what they share in their hearts, without it being corrected it will cause them to go their separate ways. If they can find a way to rectify this superficial issue then all the pieces will fall into place because internally everything is solidly based.

In every relationship there are two key elements: the internal relationship and the superficial. It is necessary to unite the two and build the internal until it is expressed externally as well. If the parties to the relationship are focused only on the superficial aspects of the relationship and their is no emphasis on the internal then they are lacking the main point of a relationship. It is love that is dependent on external matters and it can't last. Even the slightest issue can destroy it. If the focus is on what is primary and they build the internal properly then the relationship will evolve to be expressed superficially as well, like a soul in a body.

When we speak of the superficial or external we should understand that there are two aspects. Some are very superficial, e.g. a man likes sweet foods, his wife only likes salty foods. There is little reason why this can't be worked out. The other aspect would be if one spouse is smarter than the other. But an inner connection is one which is based on חן (just appreciating the person for who he or she is) which is something else entirely. When that exists, everything else can be worked out.

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