With all this background we can now discuss how to create a relationship based on an inner connection rather than one that is superficially focused.
Friends who share a soul-level connection see each others inner beauty and not that which is only skin deep. The inner is the essence of a person's existence, it is the deeply rooted beauty that defines who he truly is. The outer appearance need not bear at all on the inner relationship. Things such as intelligence, success and beauty are not affected at all by an inner relationship.
If any of these things (intelligence, success, beauty) are the basis of the love, the love will not last. It is אהבה שתלויה בדבר, love which is dependent on something, and is worthless. In the best case scenario any of these things can be the entre-point to a real connection, but in that case they ultimately are a distant secondary factor. The point of friendship is centered on the inner beauty, the connection to what the person truly is and not to those things which are apparent and of value to outsiders.
Initially a person may think, "How can I connect to someone who is so superficially different than I am?" But if he believes that each person contains a holy soul within, he will discover that just as each person has an inner point of righteousness, so too he has an inner point of friendship which is his unique manner of connecting to the light of Hashem. By recognizing this, as time passes a person can come to touch and comprehend (to grok) the inner soul of his friend and appreciate him for who he is and not for anything superficial. By doing so, the center point of their relationship is established.
Friends who share a soul-level connection see each others inner beauty and not that which is only skin deep. The inner is the essence of a person's existence, it is the deeply rooted beauty that defines who he truly is. The outer appearance need not bear at all on the inner relationship. Things such as intelligence, success and beauty are not affected at all by an inner relationship.
If any of these things (intelligence, success, beauty) are the basis of the love, the love will not last. It is אהבה שתלויה בדבר, love which is dependent on something, and is worthless. In the best case scenario any of these things can be the entre-point to a real connection, but in that case they ultimately are a distant secondary factor. The point of friendship is centered on the inner beauty, the connection to what the person truly is and not to those things which are apparent and of value to outsiders.
Initially a person may think, "How can I connect to someone who is so superficially different than I am?" But if he believes that each person contains a holy soul within, he will discover that just as each person has an inner point of righteousness, so too he has an inner point of friendship which is his unique manner of connecting to the light of Hashem. By recognizing this, as time passes a person can come to touch and comprehend (to grok) the inner soul of his friend and appreciate him for who he is and not for anything superficial. By doing so, the center point of their relationship is established.
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