Crying, Pain & Tears: 1a

A person can cry out to Hashem for one of two reasons. He may find himself in pain or in a difficult situation, such as the Jewish nation crying out to Hashem because of the pain of servitude in Egypt. It is a bitter cry that results from the person's inability to keep his pain inside any longer. There are other times when a person may feel that he is spiritually asleep. He wants to cry out like a roaring lion in order to awaken himself.

There is one more type of cry. It is the silent cry of the heart. As Rebbe Nachman writes, "It is possible to cry out greatly in a small still voice that will be unheard by anyone else. Any person is capable of picturing to themselves a great cry with all the sounds it makes. He can meditate on this until he feels himself shouting internally. By doing so he brings the shout into the depths of his mind."

Sighing: 3

In general, a person doesn't find himself in a state of bring lost. A close relationship is not replete with groans, sighs, and cries. Rather, it is built upon sweetness, peace and togetherness. But even when a person feels that way, he has the ability to connect to Hashem by sighing, which, rather than being a sign of separation and distance, is really a symbol of a relationship.
People mistakenly think that hisbodidus primarily consists of crying and screaming out to Hashem out of pain. This is because many people first adopt the approach of Breslov when they find themselves in dire straits and only Rebbe Nachman's approach seems to offer them hope.

Sighing: 2

Rebbe Nachman writes that when a person sighs he becomes a completely new person. By sighing over his wrongdoings he disconnects himself from his baser side and reconnects to holiness.

This is a result of the fact that even though he finds himself in a disconnected state, he turns to Hashem.

Many people see themselves as only able to truly be functional when they are operating at full capacity (מוחין דגדלות). They view the times when they are down as being blank spaces in their lives. It would have been better had they not even been alive. They are embarrassed by those times and wish to disassociate from them. These people are  not even connected to their own selves. They hide from others and are surely not interested in connecting to Hashem.

Rebbe Nachman is teaching that these are also times of being alive. Even then a person has the ability to connect to Hashem through crying, screaming, moaning and sighing.

Sighing: 1

Rebbe Nachman spoke often about situations which a person finds so painful to the point where he begins to cry out and moan. At times a person can bring himself to this point by calling out to Hashem and sighing. One of his students writes: I was once standing before him as he lay on his bed and said, "The main thing is ,מבטן שאול שוועתי" (From the stomach of the depths I have cried out) the words of the Navi Yonah as he was in the stomach of the fish. Rebbe Nachman explains that a person has to always grasp onto whatever he can and not give up. There is always the possibility of returning. There is never a place for despair.
If a person finds himself continuously falling into quicksand, he calls for help each time, he explained.

Feeling the Pain: 3

One who clearly understands that Hashem feels his pain, can approach Hashem in prayer even when he feels distant. If, however, he is coming from a place of jealousy, lust or the pursuit of honor, then he will feel distant and incapable of opening his mouth and heart to Hashem. "How can I possibly speak His words."
He feels as if his father has told him, "Go back to the place where you fell and don't return until you have cleaned yourself." He will then feel as if he is all alone battling the mud. But with the awareness that Hashem is with him in his pain he knows that even if he is still in the mud Hashem is with him, next to him, and feeling the pain that is pounding in his heart. It is from that feeling that he begins to daven.
Similarly, if one approaches a Tzaddik to complain about his lowly state, the Tzaddik is not standing at a distance looking critically at how far the person has fallen. Rather, the Tzaddik completely immerses himself in the other's pain - how much his heart hurts because he has fallen so low - and from there he can raise him and help him escape to the good.

Feeling the Pain: 2

Imagine if a child has gone on a self-destructive path and distanced himself from his father. The father may be hopefully anticipating the day when the son will change his ways, and be upset with his foolish behavior, but at the same time, even when the son is on this path, the real pain felt by the father is due to the painful distance between himself and his son and his son's difficult struggles.
The son, distant as he is, will turn his heart to his father, knowing that despite his distance his father is not rejecting him and is not leaving him to struggle alone. First and foremost the father feels the child's pain - no matter how far he is.
Believing that Hashem always feels one's pain leads a person to recognize that Hashem does not only feel the pain of the person's distance, and hope he comes closer, but also the pain the person feels because he realizes how distant he is.

Feeling the Pain: 1

When a person is in pain, God feels his pain as well. Even though He is aware that the suffering is for the person's own good, and the suffering is only due to the person's lack of understanding, still the reality is that the person is suffering, and God suffers along. It's similar to a parent who is feeling the pain of a child taking unpleasant medicine. The child is crying and the parents know it's for his own good. Even though logically they know there is nothing about which to be upset, they feel it.
In the same vein, if a person is troubled about his spiritual state - by feeling that he is not achieving his spiritual goals - God feels his pain as well. Why focus then on one's (perceived)  lowly state; why feel distant from God who he views as standing angrily wondering why the person isn't closer? Why not focus on the truth that as he is in pain due to his spiritual state God is right there with him feeling it as well!

Unique: 4

The concept of setting aside time for meditation has a long tradition in Judaism. However, generally the concept was to devote the time to focusing on separating from the physical world, engaging in self-reckoning, and contemplating the existence of God.
Rebbe Nachman taught something else entirely. He taught a path by which one can reach holy places, touch the sparks of Moshiach ben Dovid, to come close to Hashem in the highest manner possible, just as Adam was prior to the Sin. To achieve ה' בדד ינחנו, to find God in one's meditation and to be led by His voice and to fully unite the bestower and recipient.

Unique: 3

Rebbe Nachman taught that when a person speaks to Hashem as if he was speaking to a person, there is an aspect of רוח הקדש, divine spirit, to his words that connect to the spirit of Mashiach. They come from a place that is unblemished.
He explained that there are certainly fine people who have never engaged in Hisbodidus. However, when Mashiach comes and invites them, they will be completely thrown off and confused. Those who have engaged in personal communication with Hashem, by contrast, will be like people who have just awakened from a good sleep. They will be alert and connected.

Unique: 2

The 70 years of the life of Dovid HaMelech were supposed to have been the final years of Adam's life. But Adam never lived those years in this world. They remained 70 years that were unsullied by his sin.

All of the service to Hashem done by Dovid and by the Tzaddikim of each generation who carry a spark of his Neshama, the spark of Moshiach, is to show people how to get to those 70 years, how to reach a place where sin does not exist.

Unique: 1

One of the ideas brought forth by Rebbe Nachman in his teaching about Hisbodidus, is that each person has his own personal and unique connection to Hashem. As the Midrash says: Moshe told the Jewish Nation, just like He is unique in the world, so too each individual has a unique way of serving Him.When you serve Him in your unique way, you will see upon yourself the glory of Hashem."
The primary way a person can express his unique approach is through Hisbodidus. In Hisbodidus he reaches the highest levels of his soul, the level called יחידה, singular, and he is joined with the One. Through Hisbodidus a person raises himself for a time to feel like Adam before the Sin. That he is completely connected to Hashem.

Moma Lushen: 3

If you don't know someone and you need to ask him for a favor you will plan out ahead of time what you are going to say. After your request is granted you will be sure to thank him immediately. A small child with his parent acts differently. He will ask without thinking about what he is saying, and he may or may not remember to thank his parent immediately. This behavior shows that there is an inner, permanent relationship.
Even though in regular prayer we have a tradition as to the proper form of prayer, but in Hisbodidus there is no order. There you can see the true nature of the relationship.
On the last Rosh HaShanah of Rebbe Nachman's life, as he was already quite ill and near death, he turned to his three year old grandson and said, "Yisroel, daven to Hashem that I should return to good health." Yisroel said, "Hashem, Hashem make my grandfather better." Some bystanders began to chuckle. Rebbe Nachman explained to them that this was the proper way to make requests of Hashem. Simply. Like a child talking to his father, or a person speaking to his good friend.

Mama Lushen: 2

There is a deeper concept underlying the idea of Mama Lushen.
When a young child speaks to his mother he speaks with no inhibitions to ask what he needs. "I'm hungry." Plain and simple.
But when he grows up and has a mind of his own he begins to think before he speaks and stops expressing himself naturally. He is careful not to say something that will contradict something he has said previously, even if he wants to say it. He may refrain from speaking at all, even if he desperately wants to, for fear that his words today may cause complications tomorrow.
This is not the world of a child. He simply says, "Do this. I'm tired. I want."
This is the idea of Mama Lushen, to speak simply what is in one's heart.
It is the language of being present.

Mama Lushen: 1

It is well known that Rebbe Nachman encouraged people to engage in personal prayer in their native language. In those places where people spoke Yiddish, he encouraged them to pray in Yiddish. He explained that when people pray in the language in which they are most comfortable, the heart is connected to his words and he can better connect to Hashem.

Elsewhere he explained that by speaking in his native Yiddish a person will find himself more inspired.

Being Faithful: 5

As a person contemplates his attitude towards Rosh HaShanah the following should enter his mind:

Hashem calls to us with great love that He desires to renew Creation. He awaits our response; for us to realize that it is our destiny as the purpose of Creation to proclaim Him as King. Why are we then selfishly just asking for life, children and sustenance and not thinking of our Father in Heaven? Why are we appearing like a child who is attempting to flatter his father in order to get the car keys?

By engaging in a Hisbodidus such as this our entire attitude towards Rosh HaShanah will change. We will realize that we hold in our own hands the very future of Creation. The whole world awaits for us to come to this realization and open the door to prayer and Teshuvah that connect to the very foundation of being.

Being Faithful: 4

Even when a person realizes that he needs to engage in a process of Teshuvah, he will often mistakenly rely on what is found in the words of our Sages as to the actions in which one must engage to succeed at Teshuvah. Even though everything they say is true and we can't ignore the pshat of what they say, but the real foundation of Teshuvah is purity of the heart, not actions. It is easy to get lost in the behavioral changes which are misdirecting him from the essential pursuit of Teshuvah, which is found in the heart.
But when a person engages in a conversation with Hashem he can see through his own mirage. He can't say to Hashem, "I did this and that for you, and I did all these good deeds in order that you should give me life, good children and plenty of money in the coming year." If he tries saying that, the following will be self-evident as well, "By the way, I wish I didn't feel that Judgement Day was upon me. This is a real nuisance and I am having to do an awful lot of work to deal with it. But, the Torah says that this is Rosh HaShanah and I am going to be judged, so I'm doing what I need to do."

Being Faithful: 3

When Rosh HaShanah comes along the main thing which Hashem desires from us is our hearts. Some people come to Rosh HaShanah with an agenda: they need to have a good year and are trying to figure out what to do to get that. They ask for forgiveness, say המלך with all their might, but their hearts are not really into it. They want to know what to do in order to be declared innocent in the Heavenly Court, so they change their ways and confess their sins and pour out their words. Hoping that after all that they will get a good judgement.
But, in a moment of truth between the person and his Creator, he might come to the realization that Hashem wants something else entirely; He wants the heart. רחמנא לבא בעי. He wants a person to be connected to Him with joy, faithfulness, completely and simply. A tiny bit of pure truth in the heart is more precious to Hashem than hundreds of good deeds that were ultimately done for ulterior motives.

Being Faithful: 2

The first person to try to make excuses to shirk responsibility was Adam. His first opportunity to take responsibility was when Hashem asked him, "Where are you?" He should have answered, "I'm hiding because I sinned." Instead he said he was afraid because he was naked. He had a chance to repent and walked away from it.
Hashem continued to dialogue and asked Adam if he had possibly eaten from the forbidden Tree. He didn't ask any more about the hiding or the fear, but directly asked him about sin. Again, rather than taking responsibility he began to blame Chava and she, the Nachash. None of this was true, they had each sinned of their own volition.
The real wrongdoing wasn't eating, it was the excuse making that followed. Hashem comes to people and asks them to return, to give Him their hearts, where do logic and reasons play a role in response?

Being Faithful: 1B

Sometimes a person may be going through life with an improper attitude about matters. Deep down he may be aware that his behavior is improper but he can manage to rationalize what he is doing and so defend himself in his own mind.
For example, he is well aware that stealing is wrong. He knows it is wrong from a Torah perspective, from a legal perspective, and simply morally wrong. However, he allows himself to rationalize that under certain circumstances stealing is permitted. Perhaps he is stealing from his employer, or taking advantage of unsuspecting customers, and in each case telling himself that for some reason it is OK.
Rationalizations only go so far. As long as a person is running around in life and allowing the tumult of life to keep him from true introspection, he can live with himself and his rationalizations.
All that stops when the person affords himself a few minutes of true Hisbodidus; true personal conversation with Hashem. When he is standing there, really looking at himself, he knows deep in his heart that the rationalizations are just that. He can't really fool himself in the depths of his being.
In that silence, when the noise of life is gone, the truth will be self-evident.

Being Faithful: 1a

If a person commits a crime, even if he knows that he is truly guilty, he can often get together with his lawyer - who also is aware of the truth - and find a legal loophole by which to be exonerated. Sometimes in our relationship with Hashem we may choose to conduct ourselves in a similar manner. We may know that our behavior is not up to par, but, based on our Torah knowledge, we create a thesis by which to defend our improper behavior.
It may be possible to fool judges and jurors who are human, but you can't fool Hashem.
When a person engages in personal prayer before Hashem, and is wanting to truly develop a relationship with Him, the person himself knows when he is being dishonest and self-deceptive. He may find himself being able to claim at other times, either to himself or to others, that his thesis is correct, but sitting privately with the One who truly knows what is going on in his heart, the person can no longer continue the charade.

One Source: 5

This concept also sheds some light on our relationship with Hashem. In davening a person should be attempting to focus fully on Hashem; to feel that he is the vessel to receive the light from Hashem. He wants to get to the point where he feels that he must have this connection and would not exchange it for anything that would diminish his relationship with Hashem.
This alluded to in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Smart Man and the Simple Man. The Smart Man, with all of his genius, kept changing from profession to profession and never discovered who he truly was and where he belonged. He ended up with nothing. The Simple Man stuck to one profession, poor as he was at it, and in the end it led him to greatness.

One Source: 4

We can now understand the idea that Rabban Gamliel shut the doors of the Yeshiva to anyone who was not the same internally as externally. He was turning away students who appeared superficially (and perhaps even in their own minds) to be seeking personal growth, but had not yet determined that the Yeshiva was the place to which they would permanently attach themselves to find that growth. The student appeared to be "getting with the program" but internally he wasn't really there.
The success of the studies is predicated on the teacher-student relationship and requires a completely trusting relationship between them. One student who is not willing to commit himself to that extent, can harm the experience for all of them.

One Source: 3

The merchant who chooses to stay at one fair and not travel around is well aware that it is possible that if he were to go to another fair he may be very successful. He passes up on those opportunities because he knows he has a system that works here. It is better to work that system, then to be seeking out others, that may or may not prove to be at all profitable.
The same is true with any relationship. If a person finds a true connection, he is better off working on and deepening that connection than searching elsewhere in the hopes of finding something better. 

One Source: 2

But there may be a merchant who chooses to attend just one fair, and that one, a small one. However, by remaining focused and diligent on the opportunities he has there, he ends up with much more substantial profits than the merchant who went from fair to fair.
So, too, when a person chooses an approach to serving Hashem, he should focus his energies on understanding and developing that one approach. He needs to work on internalizing the spiritual growth which that approach can afford him. Only then will he truly change and make his spiritual growth permanent.
This is analogous to marriage. A person can choose to run around from one partner to another without settling down into anything permanent. In the end he will find himself empty and with nothing with which to come away. However, deciding to build a permanent relationship, offers opportunities for personal growth that were otherwise unavailable.

One Source: 1

Our Sages tell us that at one point Rabban Gamliel instituted a rule that only students who were the same internally and externally (תוכו כברו) were permitted to enter the Yeshiva.
Why was this rule instituted?
There are times when a person can study under one teacher for many years and enjoy his studies as the teachings are wondrous, however, internally he remains the same person. This results from the fact that he is not entering into his studies in a manner analogous to marriage. In other words, he is not truly connecting to the inner meaning of his teacher's words. All his studies are superficial. All the spiritual talk and discussion is very enjoyable, but he doesn't absorb them into the essence of his being.
He may even find after time that behaviorally he has changed to some extent, but his internal world is no different than it was the first day he began his studies. With all the wonderful discussion, nothing has entered his soul.
He is like a merchant who travels from fair to fair, cutting deals, buying and selling, but at the end of the day he hasn't turned a profit to bring home.

Totally Devoted: 5c

When a person has a relationship with Hashem and shares things with Hashem and only Him, by definition what he is sharing is unknown to others. Perhaps the person could devote his energies to engaging in practices which would earn him accolades from others, he could share his insights and growth with them, rather than just with Hashem. But Hashem values a person who shares only with Him and says: Yes, you aren't receiving as much honor from other people as you could. You have given all of your beauty and charm to me alone. You fortune shall not be diminished.
This is the idea of כל כבודה בת מלך פנימה, the honor of a princess is internal. Why does a person need to find acceptance from others? Why does she need their approval? Why act in a manner designed to provoke a positive reaction from onlookers? The "internal" is giving it all to Hashem, that is the real honor for a person.
This can be illustrated with a parable. A person whose foot is healthy is not heard as he walks. No one else knows he is there. His leg follows the dictates of his brain, and no one else has any awareness. Someone with crutches makes plenty of noise. The noise is a sign of a lack of health. It can't carry itself. So, too, a healthy person can go around in life without making noise. He doesn't need the attention of others to his existence. But a person has to make others aware of his being there...

Totally Devoted: 5b

ורחוק מפנינים מכרה ...ושלל לא יחסר, And her price is more than pearls...shall lack no fortune.

When two people are in an intimate relationship, they are united against the world. Each desires to be the vessel for all the other has to offer. There will always be outsiders who are desirous to receive from either party to the relationship - from their wisdom, beauty, or something else - but in doing so they are trying to rob the relationship. When each person treats what they have as being more precious than pearls, that there is no price that would allow them to share it with someone outside the relationship, then ושלל לא יחסר, there will be nothing missing from the relationship; each one will feel and know that they have the other in his or her entirety.

The same is true in a relationship between Man and Hashem.

Totally Devoted: 5

In a monogamous relationship each person is completely devoted to the other. Each one is the vessel to receive all the other has to offer. When one of them shows off before others those things which makes him special , it diminishes the relationship because the relationship is predicated on the fact that each is a unique vessel for the other. When a third party gets involved and is enjoying what one of them has to offer, the essential relationship is no longer monogamous.

(I would like to add that we are not referring here to straying sexually alone, or even primarily. It can be emotional, intellectual, or in other ways as well.)

Totally Devoted: 4b

For all intimate connections this rule holds true. Only if effort has been made to build a mind & soul connection can there then be an all encompassing intimate connection. After all, what is the value of intimacy where there is no heart & soul connection? And what is the point of a real inner connection if it doesn't manifest itself in action?

Totally Devoted: 4a

The Ariza"l writes that when a person begins to daven he must first connect his heart to Hashem and only then move to action - reciting the words of prayer.
This would seem to be the opposite of the usual way things are done. Usually, we are taught, a person needs to start with action and then move from the "lower" realm of action into the "higher" plane of her inner being. Why is it different when it comes to prayer?
The answer is that when it comes to most behaviors it is true, one starts with the external and works her way to the internal. Prayer is different because it is an act of intimacy between a person and Hashem. When it comes to intimate acts one cannot begin with the external. An intimate act coming from a superficial place is vastly different in nature than one coming from the internal. As such, it is necessary for the internal feelings and frame of mind to be in place prior to engaging in anything external.

Totally Devoted: 3b

Many of us have experienced engaging in programs of spiritual or personal growth. Oftentimes we can find ourselves having put in the effort to really understand and internalize a particular concept, yet we find ourselves unable to truly internalize it and make it a part of who we are.

Standing on the doorstep of transcendent change which will permanently change our lives for the better, we find ourselves unable to fully commit to the new way of approaching life. We wish to leave ourselves a back door to return to what we know, to what is comfortable.

It is this small opening that makes us incapable to truly embrace change and will  inevitably lead us back to where we started.

Totally Devoted: 3a

A connection is not truly unique if the person is aware at the time of connection that he has the option of connecting with someone else as well. By subsequently connecting with another, the uniqueness of the original connection is gone. The fact that he can do so shows that neither connection is truly complete.

For this reason our Sages teach us that Hashem was saddened that even at the moment of the giving of the Torah the people were already inclined to worship the Golden Calf. Even standing at Sinai they were not truly given over to Hashem. Had they been, they would have been incapable of their subsequent behavior. Their disloyal behavior shows that their initial devotion was not completely sincere.

Totally Devoted: 1b

It is possible that when a person feels a sense of success, he can lose his sense of complete faith in Hashem. There is a part of him that feels that he has the ability to act in a sphere outside of the influence of Hashem. It is at this time when a person needs to refocus on his Emunah, on his complete faith and trust in Hashem.

Those who spend time devoting themselves to this focus will often notice how events in their lives are constantly forcing them to focus on their trust in Hashem, to the exclusion of trust in other sources. The feeling of protection and being taken care of that comes from this mindset is unparalleled. It isn't easy to live this way. It is as if Hashem is saying "If you look elsewhere for your sense of satisfaction, then you are not truly devoted to me. Even if in most aspects you are mine, the little aspect where you aren't says a lot about the rest of yourself."

Totally Devoted: 1a

A person may notice that there are certain topics from which he shies away during his conversations with Hashem. Whatever the psychological reason underlying that behavior, the bottom line is that something is causing a division between himself and Hashem. Perhaps he feels comfortable discussing them with a friend, but only as something theoretical, or maybe they are things that he has buried so deep that he can't really verbalize them in any setting.

In a close friendship if a person leaves one aspect of his life out of the friendship and refuses to discuss it, it can ruin the entire friendship. He can't say, "I am giving you my entire heart, but one tiny little bit is reserved." In a trust-based relationship it is either all or nothing. If he opens all the doors of his heart except for one, it is a sign that even all the others aren't truly open. True closeness requires total openness. As it says in a Ketubah: ואל יעלימו לא זה מזו ולא זו מזה, "And they should not hide, not he from her and not her from he."

Always: 7

There is sometimes a value to being with another person even if no words are exchanged. A woman may have an elderly parent who can no longer speak, but there is still something to visiting the parent and sitting quietly with them; to put aside all the other cares and distractions life and to be focused on them.

In a similar vein there is value to sitting quietly with Hashem, even if you say nothing; just to be focused on His existence and your being with Him. You have nothing to say, but you wish to be near Him and aware of his Being.

A person may wish she had something to say, but can't figure out what or how. The experience of just sitting there focused on Hashem, creating a relationship with Hashem, can lead to new ways of communicating with Him when she had no means beforehand.

Always: 6

When a person finds himself in difficulty he realizes that he doesn't control his own destiny. He doesn't rule over his own life, but is given over to external forces over which he has no control. In contrast, when a person is feeling success, he is happy and fully sated, he often errs and feels that he is in control. If he even shows the slightest humility he feels it is a great accomplishment.

The reality is that specifically the time when a person feels he has everything is the time to realize the truth - that he has nothing. A person with true understanding comprehends that even if superficially it appears to others that he has it all, he understands to himself that this is simply untrue.

For a homeless person begging in the street it is easy to understand that he has nothing. But for someone sitting comfortable in his home, full of blessing and success, it is a much greater challenge to embrace the truth.

Always: 5

Imagine a student who studies in one place in the mornings, another in the afternoon, and a third place in the evening. Besides that, he spends the night hours at home. It is impossible to really learn the truth of who such a person is. You can't talk to him and find out his essence. In each place he can hide his true self.
However, a person who is always found in the same location no matter what is going on cannot hide who he is. Any cloak of invisibility falls away. He can't hide himself 24/7.
It is easy to enter into a group of people and share a deep insight in human relations; the words don't necessarily come from the essential person. The person is possibly not connected to his truth. The same is true when someone shares prepared remarks. It is a different story when sharing with people to whom one is connected all day long and the conversation is flowing constantly.

Always: 4

We can compare this to the ברית (Bris), covenant, between Dovid and Yonason. They made a covenant meant to connect them no matter what was happening in their lives. A Bris rises above the current feelings of the parties. Even when one party is not feeling connected to the other, the Bris connects them. The power of the Bris comes into play when the connection is weak.

Similarly when it comes to prayer. When a person prays even when he doesn't feel like it and feels like he has nothing to say, but only because it is his natural state, he shows that he has an essential connection to Hashem beyond all reason.

It is only when a person has a place where he belongs that he can truly discover new things about himself. In other situations he may discover deeper truths about himself. But something truly new can only be found in one's natural home.

Always: 3

The ideas explained in the previous post make it clear what the value is of praying at prescribed times, even if one isn't feeling very inspired.When someone prays when he feels like it and is inspired to do so it indicates that when he feels like speaking, he knows how to. However, when he has an awareness that it is time to pray and is therefore prepared to do so - no matter how inspired he is or isn't at the present moment - he shows that prayer is an integral part of his very being. It is not just something that he does because he is finding it enjoyable. Like a marriage bond for better or for worse... He belongs right now with Hashem, no matter what.

Always: 2

If a person returns home only when he has something to say to his family members, it means he is treating them as if they are business acquaintances; he has no inner connection to them. A healthy person returns home for no other reason than that is the place where he belongs.
The healthy person will come home every night even though he has nothing specific to say to the other members of his household, solely because that is the place where he feels at home. It is the returning home even with nothing to say, that shows it is home for him. Someone who comes home only when he needs help, shows that it is not his natural place.
This is the significance of prayer at set times even when one is not inspired to pray. If one prays only when he is inspired to do so it shows that he knows what to do when he feels like it. However, when one prays because he is aware that it is time to pray, and joins others in prayer, and does so even though he is uninspired, he shows that prayer is part and parcel of his life. He is there not just when he senses something to gain from it. It is like a marriage that is there for all circumstances. He belongs before Hashem now, no matter what.

Always: 1

Hisbodidus, connecting to Hashem personally, is חיים (Chayim), life. Chayim indicates something that is continual. A flowing spring is referred to as מים חיים, living waters. A person needs to connect to Hashem on a frequent and regular basis. It is not only for when someone is feeling good or on a spiritual high, or for others when they are down and desperate. It needs to be there all the time.

This is similar to a marriage. A married person is not meant to come home only when he happens to feel like it or when he has no other place to go. Someone who operates that way has no understanding of what marriage is. Rather it is constant, day in, day out. Night in, night out. It is where a person belongs, no matter what else is going on in his or her life.

The Importance of Relationships: 5

The Degel Machne Ephraim cites a seemingly bizarre Midrash. When the Torah says ויותר יעקב לבדו, and Yaakov remained alone, the Midrash says that this is connected to another verse which says: ונשגב ה' לבדו ביום ההוא, and God alone will remain exalted on that day.

What is the connection between these verse?

He explains that the Talmud teaches that every person should believe that the world was created for himself. If a person can truly internalize this dictum he will live his life with the realization that his behavior, good or bad, can affect the entire world's existence. Rather than worry about what other people are thinking about him, and adjust his behavior to what he thinks others will approve of, he has the cognizance that it is solely his doing what he knows is right for the world that counts.

Only then can he truly serve God without any outside pressures and interests getting involved. The Midrash is telling us that it is only when a person sees himself as unique and singularly responsible, can he live his life in a way that he is exalting God and God alone.

The Importance of Relationships: Sidebar Note

The concept of בדד, alone, can mean one of two things.
Sometimes a person chooses to be alone because he doesn't want the company of other people. He is alone because he doesn't wish to be with anyone else. At other times a person may choose to be alone because he chooses to focus on something and doesn't want the distractions inherent in being amongst others.
When we speak of Hisbodidus, of being alone with Hashem, the intent is not meant to be that you are alone with Hashem because you don't like to be around other people. Rather it is a choice to be alone with Hashem in order to focus on the relationship you have with Him.

The Importance of Relationships: 4b

After a person finds enjoyment in being alone with Hashem he will not find any other place of refuge in the world. Nothing will give him satisfaction and relaxation like a moment alone with Hashem. When he is lacking this pleasure he will find himself hungry and desiring that taste of life. Everything else seems empty and dry in comparison; he only wants to feel that connection that he had when he and Hashem were together. (These hopes are what build the eventual connection.)

This is the idea of התבודדות, Hisbodidus. On the one hand the person leaves civilization to go out in to the fields, under the sky. He is like a beast seeking and crying out for his sustenance. On the other hand, this is where he finds his true life.

He will seek out every bit of life he can find in each word of Torah that he studies, in every Mitzvah that he performs, in his every word of prayer - in all that he does. It is all revolving around his ultimate goal of finding a resting place for the Schechinah within his heart. 

The Importance of Relationships: 4a

Hashem established His relationship with us as being predicated on ה' בדד ינחנו, Hashem will lead him alone. הן עם לבדו ישכון, behold this nation will dwell alone. It is in the "aloneness" that is found the opening to develop a relationship with Hashem.

Hashem is telling every person: Your soul is not relaxed. Day and night you are running from one refuge to another because you can't stand yourself as you are. Listen, my child. I will be your place of refuge. Come to me! With me you will feel protected and will no longer feel alone. Of all the things I created there is nothing that can provide you with true tranquility and joy - other than me. Come to me and you will find peace.

Yes, I created you in a way that you cannot be alone. The purpose behind that was that you should be pining for me. The feeling of being alone is not something from which you should be seeking to escape, but the path to lead you to speak with me, to connect to me alone. 

The Importance of Relationships: 3b

We can see this phenomenon when we look at people's behavior during the winter.

The winter is preceded by the fall months during which people are very busy with the Yomim Tovim. They are preoccupied with thinking about the holidays as well as with the practical aspects of the relevant Mitzvos.  Then come long months of seemingly no change one after the other. People end up spending a lot of time at home, and much less time in the company of others.

How do people tend to respond? Many people throw themselves into new projects during the winter. They are doing so in order to escape the feeling of being alone. Rather than appreciating the opportunity to know themselves, they engage in courses, projects or get involved in organizations. Anything to escape being alone.

This is what the Torah says: לא טוב היות האדם לבדו, man does not feel at ease when he is alone. He finds external stimuli on which to rest.

The Importance of Relationships: 3

Most people never find themselves in a state in which they can truly meet themselves; they are always connected to others through personal or professional connections all day. The need to earn a living, to do something, to eat, to be successful preoccupy their minds and fill their hearts until they never have the chance to truly discover their own selves.

As Koheles teaches us, often it takes old age for a person to truly find himself alone. He realizes that all he has is meaningless. Perhaps then he can find himself for the first time. Some people don't want to face themselves and discover all sorts of ailments with which to occupy themselves. These ailments were hitherto undiscovered as he was busy with other pursuits, now they become his pursuit, all in an effort to escape himself.

The Importance of Relationships: 2

A person may find herself desiring a particular taste. Perhaps she wants something very spicy or very sweet. She won't be satisfied eating something with a mild taste because she is seeking something that will touch her essence. All the wonderfully tasting foods in the world will be unappetizing to her as she has a specific need which needs to be filled.
Similarly, a person with a deep mind will not find himself satisfied by engaging in gossipy conversation. He is seeking something which touches his essential self and only a wise insight will satisfy his needs. As a result, hanging around with people who engage in idle chatter does not help him to exit a feeling of loneliness; even if he is engaged in the conversation he is still not in his own element.
It is for this reason that you will find people who seem to be always seeking an escape. They are perpetually unsatisfied with pursuits that are not engaging their souls. Unable to be released from their feeling of being alone, they search tirelessly until they can find what is their's.

The Importance of Relationships: 1d

It is not only work or other people that can serve as an escape from loneliness, but sometimes one can engage in activities that are spiritually uplifting as an escape from solitude. There are other things in which a person can engage and be very successful, but his real motive for the involvement is not the success, but the escape from being alone.

The reason for this is because the real intent in all good things is that they should serve as a vehicle to empower a person to connect to the Source of Life (as we will discuss later). It is not in order that the person should find a place of success, which is really just an escape from ones self. Although, ulterior motives can ultimately lead to better motives, this is only going to occur if one's focus is to ultimately come to a higher plane and not that one views spiritual matters as a key to success and respect or as an escape from dealing with ones self.

The Importance of Reationships: 1c

Many people are frequently seeking out connections, as our sages teach us טב למיתב טן דו מלמיתב ארמלו, it is preferable to be part of a twosome, than it is to be alone. Even the act of searching for someone to whom one can connect relieves some of the oppressive feeling of being alone. The idea that there is perhaps someone who wants them and may be responsive, relaxes a person with the knowledge that they are possibly not alone.

Even if one finds a friend or relative who helps by providing some companionship, if the person won't verbalize the fact that he feel alone and disconnected and needs company as he is uncomfortable being alone, the companion can't really help because the relationship will always be expressed in other terms and not the real issue which it addresses. This is why many people have friends, but still feel lonely; they feel uncomfortable that they need the relief from loneliness.

The Importance of Reationships: 1b

If a person is employed by someone else and then uses his paycheck to pay for services provided to him by others, then he is relationship with many different people. He is not alone. Many people go to work every day not just because they need the money, but in order to have a reason to get up each morning. They need someplace to go to escape being alone. This may be subconscious, but can be seen by the way some people are chomping at the bit to return to work after a vacation.

Some people alleviate their loneliness by having a pet. Others by listening to the news. Either way, they don't want to be alone and they require something external to which they can connect. It will lift them up and give them what to think about and to connect to.

Often people escape with food, the taste enables them to feel something other than the empty feeling of being alone. One drink after another, one bite after another...

The Importance of Relationships: 1a

Hashem created the world in such a way that a person cannot exist alone. People always needs others in order to accomplish things; so they can incorporate within their lives things which are external to their essential selves.

Nowadays we can see this clearly when a person misplaces his phone. After a short time he begins to lose his mind. Other people need him and he needs them! The connections are part and parcel of his life. How can he be so alone?! (A person may want a break from his phone for a time, but he will quickly begin to miss it. He had just been feeling that it was becoming a burden because he was with it 24/7.)

A person's desire to connect to other people and his need to know what is going on with them shows that he cannot be by himself. This is what leads to his running from being alone to connect to others. Not only is relating to family members and escape from loneliness, but even work can be an escape from aloneness. This is why our sages compared a job to a wife.

When You're Lost: 7

As a person surveys her life she will see that there have been many days which seem to have been with no purpose. Most of her life seems to be constantly switching between days of inspired action and times of sluggish inaction.

Those days which seem to be purposeless are days of Emunah. These are the times that a person must accept that she has a reason for being alive, even if she does not understand why. At the end of the life of Avraham Avinu the Torah tells us ואברהם זקן בא בימים, and Avraham was old he came with his days. He came before Hashem even with those days that seemed to have no purpose. His Emunah told him they were with reason, even if he lacked any understanding. בימים (with his days) has the identical Gematria (numerical value) as אמונה (Emunah).

בנים (children) also shares the same Gematria. The entire existence of the Children of Israel relies on Emunah. The creation of the world was predicated on God's lusting to have a place to dwell below. A lust is not something that can be explained logically. It is what it is. Emunah is knowing this and thereby becoming one with Hashem.

When You're Lost: 6

It is difficult to create a situation in which a person can find Emunah, as it is only when a person finds himself bereft of everything. It is then that he can find eternal life for himself. This is when he finds the Light of Moshiach and truly knows there is nothing other than Hashem. When he no longer can see his life through the prism of his ego he can finally see that his life is directed solely to Hashem. He then reveals the Kingdom of Hashem on earth.

When You're Lost: 4b

As people embark on a true relationship with Hashem they will find themselves entering into a state of desolation and constriction. Find themselves with no feeling and no understanding. All they have is Emunah. From there they need to instill deep into their souls the concept of Emunah such that even when things are going wonderfully for them they will retain an Emunah based relationship with Hashem.

This is why the experience of תחיית המתים, the resurrection of the dead, must precede the full consciousness of Hashem. Were a person to achieve that consciousness without dying first, he would assume that it somehow resulted from his efforts and studies during his lifetime. It is only by undergoing death previously that one can truly comprehend Emunah in Hashem.

This is why the epitome of Emunah was found at the Splitting of the Yam Suf. It could only come after they had completely given up and were no longer inspired and encouraged by anything that had come beforehand. This is why our Sages teaches us that in אז ישיר, the Song by the Sea there is an allusion to the ultimate resurrection of the dead. They both share the same elements.

When You're Lost: 4a

Since Emunah is the foundation of existence it would stand to reason that it is constantly present. It is inconceivable to think that it is only in evidence on the rare occasions that one feels completely empty. Even more so, it makes no sense to say that when a person is feeling a closeness to Hashem that he cannot experience Emunah as he has a heart and mind connection.

However, you need to understand that a person has the ability to rise above the cognizance of his heart and mind, beyond his intellect and emotion, to come before Hashem with the pure point of Emunah. People are often wowed by the amazing fire of love and connection to God that they sense when they are in the vicinity of a Tzaddik. But that is merely icing on the cake of the revelation of Hashem that is in the heart of the Tzaddik. The small still voice. The inner spark which is only Emunah

When You're Lost: 3b

There are times on Shabbos or Holidays that a person finds himself in a very dark mood. He is lacking mind, heart, understanding or feeling. But if he has even a little bit of connection - Shabbos clothes, the smell of cholent, neighbors who are keeping Shabbos - he is not completely empty and is not connecting to Emunah. Only if he is living in a Gentile area and lacking any Shabbos symbols, and still connects to the day because of his belief, then he is truly riding on the concept of Emunah.

Avraham Avinu was unique in his Emunah, he had no parents or teachers to instruct him. His connection to Hashem was through Emunah alone. This is why he is referred to as the Father of Believers. As great as he became, Hashem repeatedly tested him in situations where all of his understanding was removed and all he had to rely on was his Emunah.

When You're Lost: 3a

Sometimes a person finds himself in a situation in which he feels that something momentous is occurring. He can't wrap his mind around it but he feels internal holiness and close to Hashem. He mistakenly assumes that he is feeling the taste of Emunah. You should be aware that this is not real Emunah. Even though his mind is not involved, still as long as his heart is feeling something he is not operating in Emunah. Emunah is only when the person feels completely empty.

Frequently when a person feels that he is not operating at his greatest spiritual capacity he assumes that he is living in the realm of Emunah. However, if he still has some grasp on what is happening, through some understanding or feeling, then his sense of self is still somewhat present, and he is not yet at the point of Emunah.

But there are times of complete darkness, where a person finds everything sealed before him. He doesn't understand what is happening, feels nothing, and finds himself paralyzed. He doesn't even know how to express what he is undergoing. In this place of emptiness he does not even seem to relate in any way to what is happening to him. He has no relationship with his surroundings. This is the place of Emunah. This is the moment of creation. The inauguration of Hashem's monarchy. He can live in Hashem's kingdom. This is the revelation that has come to Hashem's creation. The deepest connection between the Creator and the Creation is revealed at the time when they appear to be most distant.

When You're Lost: 2

As Hashem engaged in the act of Creation he actualized his character (ספירות) until only one aspect remained. The final trait was the creation of the ability to receive the revelation of Hashem. This trait has nothing of its own, it is only a receptacle.

Revelation can only occur when there is something to which to be revealed. "There cannot be a king if there is no nation." Even one who has monarchical  traits will not be called a monarch as long as there is no one proclaiming him king over them. לעת נעשה בחפצו כל, אזי מלך שמו נקרא

The main act of creation was the forming of receptacles - the creation of those who would willingly accept His monarchy over them, in the absence of having anything of their own. They would have no understanding or intellectualization, no opinions or feelings, but be completely bare and ready to bask in the light of Emunah.