Crying, Pain & Tears: 2b

In the Introduction to Exile spoken by Yirmiyahu, the Navi of Hashem, his rebuke is infused with the love of Hashem for the Jewish Nation. "Go and proclaim in the ears of Jerusalem saying: So says Hashem 'I remember for you the kindness of your youth, the love of your nuptials, that you walked after me in the desert an unsown land. Israel is sanctified to Hashem, the first of His produce, all those who consume her will be guilty, evil will come upon them, says Hashem.'"
He is crying out to Israel. We were, and remain so close. The love of your youth is remembered. You are still beloved and the first of my produce. Look how I protect you from those who consume you. I will bring punishment upon them. How have you stumbled with your sins. In this manner, after all the complaints and issues, the love remains as is.
This is the way those who are close communicate. The evil and distance is almost completely ignored; but it is evident from the expressions of closeness. This is the manner of crying out in a relationship between one who gives and one who receives. After he has laid out all of his complaints in his heart, the great love remains.

Crying, Pain & Tears: 2a

We can now understand why it is that on Tisha B'Av we cry out to Hashem from a position of closeness. We are constantly mentioning how close we had been to Him and how distanced we have become. In the Torah reading on Tisha B'Av we read "If you ask about the earlier days... did such a great thing ever occur or was anything similar ever heard of? Did a nation hear the voice of God speaking from the fire and live? Did God try to come and take a nation from the midst of a nation with miracles signs and wonders? And with battle, a strong hand and a outstretched arm and very terrifying things, as Hashem your God did for you before your very eyes in Egypt?! You have been shown this to know that Hashem is God, there is none other than He."
These verses, which our Sages say are written in the Tefillin worn by God, which speak of His great love for the Jewish Nation are the ones selected for reading on Tisha B'Av. If you ponder them you will realize that they contain a frightening rebuke to the Jewish nation as well as a prayer to Hashem from within exile and suffering; that's why these verses are read in the midst of a day of destruction. But look how sweetly this rebuke is written. There are no shouts, only a mention of a deep closeness. That's what is found in God's Tefillin. By the time we are done with that, is there any room to discuss sins and punishments? Despite all the pain of the destruction we are left with the feeling that God's love will never abandon us.

Crying, Pain & Tears: 1d

When one is expressing his pain at the distance between himself and someone with whom he is close, the scream is quite frightening. However, it is a scream that cannot be heard by an outsider. Only to the person to whom the words are directed will the words cause a trembling fright from the scream inherent in the soft words of the one with whom he is close.
Clearly, between people who are close shouting loudly is unnecessary, speaking honestly about pain in the heart is much more effective. Frequently one doesn't even need to mention the pain. It is enough to speak with words of praise and honor to the other and it can then quickly become apparent what is missing in the relationship.

Crying, Pain & Tears: 1c

Loud crying happens between two people who are distant from one another. They communicate their pain by shouting because they are lacking intimacy. This is similar to a  person who feels distant from God and he cries out to Him bitterly. But the real way to communicate with God is by coming to Him and feeling uplifted by hearing His kind words. By feeling that God is bestowing on a person with a smiling face. When there is such a relationship the shouting is of a completely different sort.

When two people have a close relationship and are truly joined and they feel a relationship of give and take with one another, the communication is completely different. When one of them is feeling pain, he or she opens their heart softly and says, "The two of us are so close. How could this issue have arisen to cause such pain?" These soft words are a cry that causes the heart of the listener to tremble much more than the shouts of an outsider. By expressing how close they are, even the slightest distance cries out loudly as it simply shouldn't exist between two people who are so close.

Crying, Pain & Tears: 1b

Clearly it is impossible to always cry out quietly without making a sound; when people are in pain they tend to scream! A person can't really control how he screams; it's like a person who is ill who sighs uncontrollably even though he is well aware that it will do nothing to alleviate his pain. Even when he stops sighing, all he talks about is his pain which still sounds like his sighs and kvetches. He hasn't really eliminated his sighing.

There was once a person who was accustomed to shouting out to Hashem as he davened. His once had a guest at his home who was quite perplexed, "Why can't you just daven quietly? Why is this shouting necessary?" The two of them began to debate the propriety of shouting during davening but neither one was swayed. After a few days the guest left some money with his host for safekeeping. When he was ready to depart he requested that the host return the money. The host said that he had no knowledge of any money that belonged to his guest.

The guest began to shout, "Give me back my money! I see now that all of your davening and piety was false!." "Why are you shouting," asked the host, "can't you speak softly?" "How can I speak softly," shouted back the guest, "my heart is pounding and full of pain over the fact that you are taking what is mine!"

Returning the money, the host responded, "Now you understand. If you have pain in your heart, you don't speak softly."