Yichud: The Foundation of Awe and Self-Reckoning: 5

Each person is inherently filled with love. When a baby is born her parents pour out love and kindness. They love her for her very existence, and only see good within her. As she grows they educate her with the need to respect and heed them, but the love underlies that. A child who is taken away from the arms of those who love her, and is lacking the deep rooted love is too confused to truly inoculate either love or awe as she is missing the very foundations. She is like a starving person with whom you can't reason as long as she has not yet sated her basic needs.

So, too, Hashem created the world as an act of love. He actualized Creation as He recognized the wondrous good that would emanate from it. Every morning our awakening is another act of loving devotion from Hashem.  We can recognize and acknowledge this as we say, "For you have returned to me my soul with kindness." Now we can enter into the realm of awe, after we feel the deep love.

Only after experiencing this deep seated Divine love can we blend it with awe. Just as a parent, in order to be successful, must first show his child love, before he can teach her awe. But a relationship predicated on awe and fear without the underlying foundation of love is bound to have disastrous results.

Yichud: The Foundation of Awe and Self-Reckoning: 3c

The bottom line is that a person cannot possibly do Teshuvah - truly connect to Hashem - when he is down and small minded. It is only possible when a person is feeling good about himself and is in a happy mood. If a person enters Rosh Hashanah, for example, all down because of his perception of wrongdoing, it is not the time to engage in Teshuvah. Better to wait until after the joy of Sukkos when he is feeling the power of his connection to Hashem. Work during Rosh Hashanah on beginning to feel that power.

The same is true when it comes to Tisha B'Av. If someone enters the Fast feeling down and depressed about the Destruction he will not be able to feel the greatness of the Bais HaMikdosh and truly connect to it. Before Tisha B'Av it is worth working on mutual love with others. Feeling the love and connection will enable someone to then enter the day and feel those areas in which that love and connection are missing. Rather than walking around with faces looking down, which is a superficial manifestation of the mourning, it is better to expand your consciousness  so that you can feel it in reality. "Speak to the heart of Jerusalem,' the prophet says. How can one speak to the heart if the heart is not present - if the heart is ignorant of what it means to feel a connection?

Yichud: The Foundation of Awe and Self-Reckoning: 3b

The day of Shabbos is a day on which one can easily come closer to Hashem. On Shabbos we come close with love and closeness, not with forceful energy. All the negativity is gone and subsumed within one's good. When our Sages teach us that on Shabbos we should consider all of our work to be done, that includes the work of spiritual improvement. Don't look at your own shortcomings, but fill yourself with joy and pleasure. Forget about any difficulties and don't criticize yourself. It is respite time for any prisoners.

True Teshuvah comes from feeling uplifted. The strength (גבורה) of Hashem is in that which He always approaches man with an abundance of good. Ultimately, it turns the person to good.

The Riyat"z once asked his father what he should be doing the night after Yom Kippur. "Teshuvah," his father answered. "But weren't all of our sins forgiven today?" The answer is that only after one has corrected his relationship with Hashem and recognizes how close Hashem is with us, do we really feel what we have been lacking in our service of Hashem.

Yichud: The Foundation of Awe and Self-Reckoning: 3a

It is the way of Hashem to pour out good on his children who have erred and sinned. By doing so it leads to the sinner having deep regret. When seeing that Hashem in His glory still wishes to have a relationship with him his heart is broken due to his mistake and he contemplates how not to return to his mistaken ways. There is no comparison between this type of regret, which comes from a loving relationship with Hashem, and one that comes from someone who is down because of his sin.

There is a parable about this from the Baal Shem Tov. There was once a villager who spit upon the statue of the king. The king took him and appointed to him to a governmental post. Over time he promoted him to higher and higher positions. The nicer the king was to him, the more he raised him up, the more he learned about how wonderful the king was, the worse he felt that as a lowly villager he had demeaned the king like that. He deserved a punishment and the king was being nice to him. The king realized that if he had killed him the villager's suffering would have lasted a moment. Now he was filled with constant suffering as to how he could possibly have done such a thing. This is how Hashem deals with our wrongdoing as well.

This only works for a contemplative person who stops to think about what he has done and realizes now the greatness of the king. Has he been a fool and seen that after his behavior the king was kind to him, he would have concluded that offending the king or being respectful was all the same - the king doesn't care. 

Yichud: The Foundation of Awe and Self-Reckoning: 2b

After Sukkos the people gathered together once again. "The Jewish Nation gathered with fasting, sackcloth and dirt upon themselves. They separated those of Jewish descent from the Gentiles and they stood and acknowledged their sins, and the iniquities of their ancestors. They then called out in a loud voice to Hashem their God." It was only after they had heard how much Hashem appreciated their joy, and that Hashem desired them even after they had sinned, because of the great favor they found in His eyes, that they had the strength to return to Hashem and to come close to Him.

The closer a person comes to Hashem, as he recognizes his preciousness before Hashem even after he has sinned, he learns also that there is no concept of being distant from Hashem. He then comprehends the gravity of his wrongdoing, as he comprehends that whatever he has done was directly in the presence of Hashem. He can then feel ashamed.

If there were no concept of forgiveness then a person would be forever stained. He would then feel that there was no reason to refrain from further wrongdoing as he is eternally blemished. But Hashem is forgiving, and wants to build us up. Despite the wrongdoing he cleanses and shows love.

Yichud: The Foundation of Awe and Self-Reckoning: 2a

We can now understand that the relationship forged by direct communication with Hashem brings a person to the point where he can feel true regret. He can have the broken heart that enables one to engage in true Teshuvah.

There is no comparison between someone who engages in self-reckoning when he is still distant from Hashem to that of someone who feels united with Hashem. Furthermore, the distant reckoning and regret do not have a lasting effect upon the person. Conversely one who has a broken heart when he is in an elevated spiritual state, while feeling connected to Hashem, understands the exaltedness of Hashem and his own, relative, punity.

After the building of the Second Bais HaMikdosh Ezra and Nechemiah gathered together all the inhabitants of Yerushalaim on Rosh Hashana. They wanted to speak to the people about their collective wrongdoing by engaging in intermarriage. But after speaking about this topic they said, "Today is consecrated to Hashem your God. Do not mourn or cry. Go eat delicacies and drink sweet drinks. Send gifts to those who have not prepared food, for today is consecrated to our God. Do not be depressed because joy in God is your strength... The nation went to eat and drink and send gifts and to celebrate with great joy because they understood the words that had been spoken to them.

The Malbi"m explains that the Torah portion about Rosh Hashanah was read before them and they felt the awe of judgement and wanted to fast. It was explained to them that we have confidence on the Day of Judgement that we will be acquitted and we therefore celebrate it as a holiday. The rejoicing in Hashem is your strength. This is a spiritual joy that emanates from feeling close to Hashem and begets this confidence.

Yichud: The Foundation of Awe and Self-Reckoning: 1b

The Ohr HaChayim writes that Hashem's nature it to do good to others. More than there is a desire on the part of the recipient to receive His good, He desires to do good. Hashem has developed many machinations in order to bring about this good. He has also informed us that the benefits of serving Him out of love greatly outweigh service that is predicated upon fear. The only drawback to service out of love is that a person will not take heed not to slip up on occasion. He will reason that due to the close relationship he has with Hashem, Hashem won't care about it, as is the case among people who are close. This is why we find that Moshe erred with his speech before Hashem on a number of occasions. Because of the closeness he had, he became lax in his awe. Another person who did not feel as close would have been more careful how he spoke to Hashem as he would be terrified of doing something wrong. But that isn't Hashem's attitude. Rather, even with those who love Him he is exacting.

At the giving of the Torah Hashem saw two options before Him. One was to give it with words of love so that it would be accepted with love. As mentioned earlier the advantage is that serving out of love is much more beneficial, but it brings along a certain laxity. Alternatively, He could give it in an atmosphere of fear which would result in people taking greater heed not to sin, but would bring them few benefits.

He compromised by doing both.

Yichud: The Foundation of Awe and Self-Reckoning: 1a

The love and close relationship between man and Hashem is intimately tied to awe. One cannot exist without the other. We mention this during Shacharis when we say "Unite our hearts to love and have awe for Your Name." In one of the verses of the Shema we say, "That I am commanding you today, to love Hashem your God and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul." The love is meant to lead to serving with heart and soul and not to stray one iota from the will of Hashem. This theme is repeated elsewhere in the Torah as well. This is why immediately following the giving of the Torah Hashem added strict words to the soft spoken words. The language of love alone can lead to losing any sense of awe.

Rebbe Nachman taught two approaches to Hisbodidus. On the one hand he refers to it as words of appeasement and closeness, on the other hand he says that each person needs to have some  time every day when his heart is broken before Hashem. He needs to spend time each day discussing with Hashem all those areas in which his actions are not up to par. The rest of the day he should feel only joy.

Not everyone can find the peace of mind daily to engage in this introspection and to regret those things that need regretting. The day passes by and it could be that a person cannot find one time in his entire life to do so. It is therefore necessary to find the self-control to devote time to contemplate how one is spending his days and to determine if he is doing so in a worthwhile manner.

How do we resolve these seemingly contradictory aims? On the one hand it is an opportunity to develop a lovingly intimate relationship, on the other a time for regret and awe.

The Value of a Relationship: 7

Prayer allows a person to be strong in his relationship with Hashem without permitting anything else to interfere as he is always hearing from Hashem how valuable he is. Rebbe Nosson writes that the eternal connection between the Jewish Nation and Hashem was clear to Moshe. Therefore, when Moshe understood that according to the Torah they deserved to be destroyed after the sin of the Golden Calf, Moshe facilitated the destruction of the Tablets. His thinking was that Hashem's intent to create the Nation preceded Creation and even preceded the other things that our Sages say preceded Creation. As such, there is no way Hashem would ever give up on his Nation. Even though Hashem had informed Moshe of His intent by saying "Leave me alone, and I will annihilate them," Moshe responded by saying, "I'm not impressed and I will not fall apart because of what you are saying. You taught me a different truth, that You chose us."

This is the power of relationship - the relationship never leaves. Even at a time of great distancing, the love is stronger than the distance that is currently present. This is the concept of ברית, a covenant, a relationship that goes beyond logic. A true relationship that is not dependent on being near or far and is not susceptible to breakage. This conquers any distance, as Hashem said to Moshe, ""Thank you for breaking them."

Times of Hisbodidus reveal the inner truth - that Hashem shines light on His closeness to people. So much so that a person should feel it even when he feels distant. He can still say to Hahshem, "I'm not impressed and I will not fall apart because of any distance." He returns to the closeness despite everything that has transpired.

When a person speaks before Hashem and expresses himself with requests and demands, he wants to win over Hashem. This brings pleasure to Hashem. Hashem sends him words to use so he can win, so that Hashem can enjoy himself. Otherwise a human could never be victorious over Hashem. But Hashem provides him with the means to do so.

The Value of a Relationship: 6

If a person enters a store and requests an item, there is nothing more to his words than his request. Other times the person listening to what is being said understands that there is another message behind the simple meaning of the words. For example, if a child come to her parent and starts telling her parent about something she did, while the child is verbalizing a simple story the parent hears "love" permeating every word.

But it is a completely different situation when a child is aware that her parent is moved from hearing what is going on with her and comes initially with that intent. Even though she is only telling a story and does not articulate the depth of feeling she is directing toward her parent's heart. The father understands the child's intent and his feeling to his child is even greater.

There is a private communication between the two of them. Someone who overhears the conversation may understand it in its simple superficiality, but their hearts that are full of mutual love understand what an outsider cannot.

The same is true of the praises from a recipient to his benefactor. There is the simple understanding of the words that are being spoken, but there is also a deeper message being communicated. The recipient is giving part of himself to his benefactor with his words. This is the hidden, unverbalized message that expresses the wonderful closeness they share.

With this we can understand the praises we say to Hashem in the Pesukei D'Zimrah. There is a deeper message underlying the words that we are communicating to Hashem. "Look into my heart and hear what I am saying. Understand how close I feel to You."

This depth of communication awakens the heart of the benefactor to reach out with kindness. It creates a deep, personal, connection between the two. Only the heart of man and Hashem can hear these deep feelings that are expressed in the words of praise. The result will be that the benefactor will happily entrust the recipient with all of His greatest treasures.

The Value of a Relationship: 5

The bottom line of what we have been writing, and a fundamental concept of all intimate relationships is that a recipient can only truly feel comfortable when he feels that the giver needs him as well. That creates an equal playing field. There is true peace between them.

We can't find a better example than Hashem. He calls to people and says, "Give strength to God," It is as if He is sitting and waiting to receive. His holiness above comes from man's sanctifying Him below. Obviously, Hashem lacks nothing and needs nothing. However, as the Zohar says, "Israel supports its Father in Heaven." We have the ability to give nachas to Hashem. The Torah describes the sacrifices as bringing nachas to Him. The nachas comes because, "I said, and my will was heeded." Hashem has lowered Himself to receive from His Creations. (The word נחת can also be understood as "to step down.")

A parent can command a child to do something. If it remains simply a command there is a hierarchy, with the parent on top and the child below. That is completely different from a parent who adds, "If you do that, you will give me nachas." Such a request creates a relationship of equals. The parent has lowered himself to be the equal to his son by being willing to receive from him. "I am missing something and only you can give me what I am missing." If this is true in our relationship with Hashem, surely it is true between people. The relationship is perfected when the recipient is also giving - they become equal partners in the relationship and can truly unify.

When one person feels that the other is much stronger and never needs him, he will feel lower. Even if the giver in the relationship always fills his needs he will never feel comfortable as he feels empty. There may be giving, but there is no intimate connection. Only when he realizes that the other person needs him, and he needs to come to the assistance of the other,  are they equal and can receive from each other.

A giver may feel that if he demonstrates a weakness, and need for something, it will impinge on his honor. It may be a teacher who only teaches those topics on which he is very knowledgeable. He is afraid that if he reveals any gaps in hie knowledge the students will stop learning from him entirely. Bu doing so, he robs himself and his students of a real relationship, which, according to the Ariza"l, can only arise between equals.

The Value of a Relationship: 4

As we mentioned previously, when a person comes before Hashem to speak of His praises, Hashem, so to speak, awaits and anticipates this opportunity to be a recipient from the human who is now giving to Him. Our Sages describe this situation with the words, "Hashem doesn't budge until he has made the person into His mother." As if Hashem calls the person "Mommy." Hashem wants the person to speak to him like a mother who is comforting a child. Like the chatting of a mother to her son. Our Sages also describe this state with the words "Hashem's mind is calmed because of people's praises."

Our Sages say further that when Hashem looks at the world and sees theaters and stadiums in all their glory while His Temple is destroyed He is tempted to destroy the world. But when people come to pray in the morning and recite the Shema all the angels gather before Hashem and say "You existed prior to the creation of the world, you exist after the world's creation. You are in this world, you will be in the World to Come. Sanctify your name over those who sanctify Your name." Immediately, Hashem calms down and does not destroy the world because of the people who have prayed.

The Value of a Relationship: 3

Another aspect of a true relationship with Hashem is to speak to the heart of your Father in Heaven. To acknowledge to Hashem the glory of His Kingdom which is great. As we find Dovid HaMelech sang before Hashem many songs of praise. He continuously spoke of the wondrous things that He did under the sun. True inner peace comes when the recipient realizes that also the giver, Hashem, needs him, so to speak. As the Zohar says: People support their Father in Heaven. This is where you find Hashem's humility. He allows Himself to become a recipient from His beloved children. Even as we are in Exile, in Heaven they hope that we will not be silent. Rather that we should recognize how valuable we are that we have the ability to reveal the hidden glory of Hashem.

The Koznitzer Maggid writes that we can compare this to a human king who has all sorts of extravagances, entertainment, and music. When something happens to upset him the entertainers are brought before him to cheer him up. So too, Hashem has all sorts of beings that bring Him joy in the Upper Worlds. But with the Temple destroyed there is sadness in Heaven. There needs to be someone with Hashem in his heart to enter inside and to remove his own sadness and to rejoice for the honor of the King. "You are our eternal King, who will reign forever. Before you, everything else has no existence. The saviors will come up to Mt. Zion, and all will come to serve You. This is more pleasurable before Hashem than when we are happy and rejoicing when everything is going well. 

The Value of a Relationship: 2

When two people are involved in a close relationship each one sees the good points of the other, and not what they lack. As the Rebbe R' Elimielch taught to pray "That I should not see anything demeaning and I will despise him." You don't want to see the dark parts of the other person and end up distancing yourself from her. So, too, when Hashem is in relationship with a person He chooses not to look at the repulsive parts of the person. As the Pasuk says: לא הביט און ביעקב ולא ראה עמל בישראל ה' אלוקיו עמו ותרועת מלך בו, "He does not see out the iniquity in Yaakov and does not see the wrongdoing in Israel. Hashem his God is with him and the love of his king is in him."

There are those who err and spent their time communicating with Hashem telling Him of all of their sins and asking Him to have mercy on them, rather than engaging in a real heart-to-heart conversation. (The time for self-reckoning is not then.) It is like a child whose parent is feeling very proud of him, and the child stands up and announces all of the reasons why the father should be disappointed in him. He ruins the moment.

On the other hand if he correctly takes advantage of the opportunity by connecting joyfully with his inner self to Hashem, without looking at any of his shortcomings, it will soften the heart of Hashem and the person will come to real deep regret that will bring him to truly turn to do better. Otherwise, if he only focuses on his faults, he can come to depression and fall even further. A broken heart is one that is softened towards Hashem (a heart of flesh), not one that is depressed (a heart of stone). A broken heart should leave one desirous of Hashem, happy and given over to Hashem. As Rebbe Nachman writes: When a person is constantly happy he can easily devote some time each day to soften his heart before Hashem and to speak what is in his heart to Hashem. But when he is depressed it is difficult for him to connect and to speak his feelings.

The Value of Self-Revelation

I mentioned on Facebook that my most recent two posts raised some very fundamental points. I wanted to spend some time elaborating on one of those points. This is my understanding and not from Yichud HaHisbodidus. CL
The Baal HaSulam writes in his introduction to the Zohar that those behaviors in which we engage that are most Godlike are the behaviors that we find most comfortable. He utilizes this principle to explain why it is more satisfying to give than it is to receive. This is because Hashem is only a giver and not a recipient. Receiving (necessary as it may be within Creation) is an un-Godly activity and as such is not as satisfying as giving which is emulating God. Taking this one step further, Hashem created the world because He desired to give to others. Therefore when giving we are connecting ourselves to the very fundamental forces of Creation which makes it a very satisfying activity.

I have found this principle reflected in other areas of Jewish thought, but this is not the place to elaborate on them.

The Ariza"l as he explains the reasons for Creation lists one reason as being that prior to Creation all of Hashem's goodness was only latent within Him. It was hidden inside and not brought forth and revealed and there was no arena within which to reveal it. By creating the Universe Hashem had a forum in which to reveal that which was previously hidden about Himself. This is why bringing about an awareness of Hashem within Creation is a central part of Judaism. Finding Hashem within Creation is a central part of our service to Hashem. According to this Hashem's revelation of the self which was previously hidden is the fundamental power of Creation.

How many of us spend much of our lives hiding ourselves? Hiding ourselves from others and hiding ourselves from ourselves. Each person engages in hiding to whatever degree he or she feels comfortable. But doing so goes against one of the fundamental forces of Creation. Just as Creation entailed Hashem's self-revelation, so too, the more we engage in self-revelation, the more we connect to the very fundamental forces of Creation.

The Value of a Relationship: 1b

With this a person will fulfill והצנע לכת עם ה' אלוקיך, "And walk modestly with Hashem your God." Indeed a person should not reveal his accomplishments before others because he saves his beauty to show it only before Hashem. Is there anything more pleasurable than a person being able to express in his conversation with his Creator how wonderful he is? And he spends the time understanding his own good points? This is the time to express ones inner beauty which he keeps hidden from others. He shows them only before Hashem and this creates an strong inner relationship which brings light to his life of good deeds and spiritual pursuits.

Tzniut does not mean never revealing, it means revealing only where appropriate. The princess shows her honor in private, where there is a special relationship, not in public. A soul which reveals itself in the appropriate manner is happy and completely sated. It feels no need or desire to reveal itself inappropriately. That would be the opposite of Tzniut. So too, one who reveals his good points before Hashem, and feel that he is good in the eyes of Hashem, has no need to show himself before others.

A person who recognizes that all his good points are jewelry given to him by Hashem, like a bride gives his groom,  can then come before Hashem and Hashem can enjoy his company with the person adorned with what Hashem has given him. His good points are gifts from Hashem to reveal his inner goodness, which brings nachas to Hashem.

Even the shortcomings and confusions of a person will be removed from him when he connects to Hashem. He will be able to see them for what they are and understand them properly. After connecting to Hashem he will no longer view them as illnesses, but realize they are revelations of something hidden, something which is part and parcel of himself, inseparable, to which he needs to pay heed and understand. The heavy load is removed and shown to be something which is his. He has a destiny - one which is precious and valuable.

This is alluded to in the words of Esther, who is a metaphor for the soul, when she approached the king with her request: If it behooves the king and I have found favor in his eyes, and the matter is proper before the king and I am good in his eyes. A person has the ability to find favor before Hashem when he knows and believes that he finds favor in His eyes and is good. "And I am good in His eyes" should be the motto of the soul of every person.

The Value of a Relationship: 1a

Hashem chose people to reveal His Monarchy in Creation. Prior to Creation His abilities were hidden and not actualized. Only "At the time that all was done according to His desire, then He was called King." It is difficult to even verbalize the following, but essentially Hashem created a dynamic by which He needs people.

Additionally, He created the world in such a manner that people will truly need Him in order to complete themselves, spiritually and physically. As we have explained previously, Hashem desires to build up those who receive from Him to be with Him and to "cleave to Him."

The concept of Hisbodidus is for a person to carve out his unique self and come face-to-face with it in order to understand himself. His self-understanding needs to take him beyond Emunah which is by default, to a self-confidence which imbues within himself a love for Hashem and a desire for connection.

Connecting to Hashem does not bring bitterness to a person, rather it assists him in understanding how wonderful he is. (True, there are times to focus on one's shortcomings, but that is not what we are talking about now.) After connecting to Hashem a person should walk away with a greater degree of self-value than he had previously. This will lead to his serving Hashem with a happy and satisfied outlook. After all, Hashem has just whispered in his ear how wonderful he is. He has revealed to Him all of his positive points. This is the purpose of Creation, to carve out one's hidden inner-self and present it to the self. This is analogous to the fact that Creation itself was the revelation of the hidden-self of Hashem.

Relationship of Give & Take: 6

When a person feels that he no longer needs prayer and a relationship with Hashem the implication is that he has resigned himself to the way his life is. There is a lack of recognition of the truth - that he is dependent on Hashem.

There are different ways in which a person can find that Hashem is hidden from him. A person may understand that his task during his lifetime is to reveal the glory of Hashem in every action, but he is so preoccupied with his pursuits that he isn't feeling it and internally he is crying out to Hashem to redirect him. But a deeper hiding is when a person finds himself at the pinnacle of success. Everything he does turns out as he desires. All day long Hashem brings success his way, but year after year passes and he never stops to think that he has never once recognized his Creator.

This can be compared to a head of household who feels no need to communicate with anyone in the home. Everything runs on auto-pilot and they don't need his input. Perhaps he is frequently away on business and they have become accustomed to arranging everything at home without consulting him. If he finds himself at home for an extended period of time he has noting to say, he doesn't even know where he can insert himself in the goings on. If the state of the household was such that they were always dependent upon him he would know very well what was going on as they would frequently consult him and he would have what to say?

When a person arranges his life such that everything, big or small, is dependent on Hashem, and he leaves no area of his life which he has not presented to Hashem, then the relationship is open and clear. Over time he feels more and more how much he needs this relationship as through it he is dependent on the one unique source.