The Foundations of Relationship: 2b

For non-spiritual people their physical selves are primary. After all, superficially that is what seems to be most important in a clear and easily seen manner. They therefore devote their efforts to the pursuit of physical activities. Any discussion about spiritual matters does not resonate with them because the "light" is a very fine and exalted concept which cannot be discerned at all by the physical eye. Jewish thought teaches us that without the light of the Neshama the body would be lifeless, therefore the Neshama is primary.

This demonstrates to us something very fundamental with regards to all forms of bestower-recipient relationships: the recipient is not half the relationship equal in stature with the bestower. Rather, his entire essence is to be a receptacle. Only with that mindset can the vessel come to a tranquil rest and receive within itself a spirit of peace and relaxation as it fulfills its purpose.

This self-nullification as a basic element of a recipient goes so far as to leave the recipient without even a name. With the knowledge that the light being received is primary, the recipient recognizes himself as subordinate to the light. If someone is holding a wine bottle and someone asks "What do you have there?" He won't answer, "A bottle," rather he will answer, "Wine." He won't say either that I am holding a bottle and wine as if they are two disparate items, rather the container is secondary to what is contained within.

This principle is established in Halacha. A vessel which is generally used for an action that is prohibited on Shabbos is Muktzeh; it may not be moved on Shabbos. However, if the vessel is currently containing food it may be moved. The vessel is subordinate to what is in it. Since what it contains may be moved, the vessel may be moved as well. It has no independent existence as long as it is acting as a container.

The Foundations of Relationship: 2a

The relationship between the Neshama (soul or spiritual component of the person) and the body (physical component) is similar to what we discussed previously. The Neshama is the bestower; the body is the vessel which receives its light.

Our initial understanding is that each of these is a half and the two halves, when combined, form a whole. The Neshama cannot shine below if it has no body; the body would be lifeless without a Neshama and could do nothing at all. Therefore, they are each half which, when united, form a complete being. This viewpoint presents us with two equal halves which contribute to make a whole.

However, the reality is that the relationship is that of a light and the lamp which contains it.These are not two halves that form a whole, but one holistic object. This is a completely different viewpoint, and it is the basis to understanding the relationship between man and Hashem.

In the first understanding each half has its own existence, but with the view of light and a containing vessel, the light is all and the vessel is nothing without the light. The existence of the vessel is solely to serve as a receptacle for the light and thereby to enable it to shine upon its surroundings. In this way they form a complete object.

Without the vessel the light cannot shine, it would be like a flame without a wick. But as it has a vessel from which to shine it is complete. The vessel is merely serving the light to enable it to shine and has no separate significance. The vessel fulfills its purpose by receiving the light and not in any other way. The complete unit is formed by the vessel serving the light and the light attaching itself to the vessel.

The Foundations of Relationship: 1

Hashem founded the world upon the principle that any true relationship is based on one party being a bestower and one a recipient. In every situation in which the relationship finds itself, the two parties can be divided into the roles of a bestower and a receiver. It is impossible to have a proper relationship in which both parties are bestowers or both are receivers.

These roles are not static, it is not necessary for one person to always be the bestower and the other the receiver. In any relationship these roles should be dynamic, changing based on the particular situation. A person can be a recipient in relationship to his teacher, while being a bestower to his children. A woman can receive from her husband while giving to her children. A bestower is not a bestower while she is receiving. A receiver is not receiving when he is giving. Within a relationship the bestower one day can be the recipient the next.

If two people are studying Torah together or discussing matters of personal growth, at any given point in time one is the giver and the other, the recipient. These roles can change minute by minute, but there will be no satisfactory discussion without these roles existing. Their discussion can only produce fruit if there is a bestower and a receiver.

If at any point the one who should be bestowing is put in the role of recipient, and vice versa, the relationship will break down; there will be no peace and tranquility. Any time the situation calls for one party to be a recipient, even if usually he is the bestower, he must entirely change his nature to fit his current role. For example a teacher who spends most of the day giving to students may have to change his or her role and home to be a recipient in certain situations. This is even though his or her primary role in life is that of a bestower.

The point of this is to understand that with regards to Hashem all Creations are recipients relating to a bestower.

Author's Introduction: 4

All spiritual relationships - between friends, between husband and wife, between a student and his teacher, between the body and the Neshama - are based on the same principles. Each of these relationships are needed for a relationship with Hashem, one without the other is impossible.

Since these relationships are all interdependent, the concepts in this work will help to establish and shine light on all of life's relationships; they explain how one can make himself into a vessel for the Schechina (presence of Hashem). Many people thirst for a relationship with  a teacher or friends, or to build a home based on a holy relationship. They will find something of value in this book. Only after a person has properly established peace in the home, with complete unity between himself and the one facing him, can he also create a true inner relationship between himself and Hashem. One who is in position of giving, is Godlike and embodying the function of Hashem, as he gives to his Schechina, to the one who receives in his own household, he is also connecting his home to his Creator, one beloved to another.

A break in one relationship causes a fundamental breakdown in the others. The Mizbeach (altar) cries, because the destruction of the Temple is the opposite of peace in the home and a built Temple in which the Cherubim are hugging each other in total unity. So too a house is complete with the presence of the Schechina and the blessing of Peace, when both parties are in proper relationship to Hashem.

The same goes for שלום בית, peace in the home, between the Neshama and the body. Many people seek this inner peace, and they will also find fundamental concepts that will shed light on that topic in this book. As long as the Neshama is unable to shine light on the physical with a smiling face, the physical will not awaken to receive the portion of Hashem above that is being offered. This separation prevents both from fulfilling their destiny. But when the bestower, i.e. the Neshama, comes happily to the physical in order to work with it, then the awakening from above brings forth a commensurate awakening from below and the physical happily becomes a home fit for the presence of Hashem, the light of the Neshama. The two enter a covenant to be recipients from the Great Bestower - Hashem.

Author's Introduction: 3b

Through this (an understanding that a relationship is based on talking to the other, not about the other) one can come to a true acceptance of the yoke of heaven. There is an acceptance of a yoke both in the slave/master relationship as well as in a marriage, but there is a vast difference between the two. For a slave his job is merely to submit to what he is told to do, and do it properly. He has no expectation of love from his master. In a marriage the key is fulfilling the desire of the other. Yes, there is an aspect of acceptance of a yoke and self-nullification, but that is all predicated upon a desire - that the other desires you. That is the basis of the relationship. So too in a persons's service of God, his heart is primarily focused on the unique relationship between himself and his Creator.

Through this approach to Yichud and connection a person can come to awe and regret. A self-reckoning which comes from a broken heart, and calm reflection that brings to true Teshuvah, as we will explain further. This is the light of Moshiach to live with the understanding that self-sacrifice and acceptance of responsibility come from experiencing the light and the desire of the "husband" - Hashem.

We will clearly see that Hisbodidus is that which empowers a person with clarity as to the existence of Hashem within the world, and there is no "second" to Him on earth. It is the solitary contemplation that purifies souls before the King. As Rebbe Nachman says: True nullification is when a person nullifies himself and is incorporated within the Unity of Hashem. This can only be accomplished through Hisbodidus. The sprouts of Hisbodidus create a real connection with Hashem, similar to the way reciting Shema twice daily brings a presence of Hashem into the entire day. "One who accustoms himself to practice Hisbodidus daily for a time will surely develop a real closeness with Hashem.""

Author's Introduction: 3a

The Navi (prophet) defines the relationship between God and man as a relationship between a bestower and a recipient, as it says כמשוש חתן על כלה ישיש עליך אלוקיך, "As a groom rejoices over his bride, your God will rejoice over you." This relationship is also alluded to every Friday night as we sing Aishes Chayil in which Hashem whispers in the ear of each Neshama how precious it is in His eyes. Hashem reminds each Neshama that the heart of its husband (i.e. Hashem) has full confidence in it, and praises it רבות בנות עשו חיל ואת עלית על כולנה, "Many daughters have committed acts of valor, but you have risen above them all."

Prior to their marriage a Choson and Kallah are impressed by all of the wonderful things that they hear about each other; the accomplishments on Torah study, the wonderful character traits they each possess, etc. But after the wedding the aforementioned praises are meaningless. Now is the time for real life and who cares about all the platitudes. All the praises are forgotten over the years and have no value or influence as they have no place in the heart. Now all that is important are different sorts of praises, the ones that relate to the relationship the two have built - nothing to do with the superficial praises of old. The distinction is that previously any comments were עליו (about the person), whereas after marriage and praises have to be אליו (to the person). I.e. the only concern now is about the relationship, everything and anything else will follow what the relationship is, as any person will do all he or she can to do the will of the he or she loves.

Similarly, the works that introduce a person to the concept of unifying with Hashem are all discussing עליו, they refer to His greatness, exaltedness, how His Light reaches us, how He conducts Himself and deals with humans, and His names. But the light of גאולה (redemption) directs a person to יחוד with his Creator that is a discussion that gets to the root of the matter אליו, to direct a person to the essence of the connection, and not with superficial matters. (It is for this reason that in the שמונה עשרה (Amidah) we are no longer focused on the praises of Hashem, as we were in Pesukei D'Zimrah) as we are now speaking אליו, to Him.

Author's Introduction: 2

Having finished the small section that I chose to share first, I am going back now to the beginning of the Sefer where the author writes introductory words.
The center point of this work is to know, understand and instill within one's heart the depth of the description of davening (prayer) as being as a person speaks to his friend. This is an indication of the depth of the connection between the bestower and the recipient that rests deep within their hearts as the Torah says פנים אל פנים כאשר ידבר איש אל רעהו, "Face to face as a person speaks to his friend ." This is a description of the connection between the Jewish Nation and Hashem, who speaks of them with great love אחותי רעיתי יונתי תמתי, "My sister, my friend, my dove, my perfect one."

The time of prayer is the time of unique closeness between man and his Creator, which shines light on the rest of the hours of his life. It even effects the existence he will have in Messianic times and by the Resurrection of the dead. It is the doorway to bring him to love and awe of Hashem, to go in His ways and to listen to His voice. But in order to accomplish this it is necessary to understand the meaning of Unifying with Hashem and what does it even mean to have a connection. Specifically, it is necessary to understand how to live in such a way to have such connections on a daily basis. There are, after all, in a lifetime myriad situations, ups and downs, whatever Hashem wants from a person, and one's Nefesh is not always in a state of wanting a connection.

The point of this sefer is, therefore, to explain in a manner that can enter one's heart the concept of Unity through prayer, to shine light through one's entire life. It will speak of prayer when one is in different states, both when one is on a high, or more commonly perhaps when one is struggling. Each one has its own approach with its own language, and contains the sparks of the light of Moshiach.

Therefore we will not only be concentrating on how to daven when one is on a high, but in all life's states, how to have patience and faith, screaming and pain, sighs and regrets, spiritual pain and distance, discomfort and tears, requests for salvation and self-reckoning, Teshuva or a need for comfort, intellect or simplicity, all of these are flavors of connection ואציעה שאול הנך, "Even when hell is laid out below, You are there." Similarly we will discuss difficulties in davening, and shine a light on how to achieve redemption.

The Way to Achieve Yichud: The Heart and not the Mind: 6

It is very rare for someone who is a "ben Yosef" to comprehend the idea of "ben Dovid." The ben Yosef is generally a person who is smart and successful - even if they understand the ben Dovid it is generally being understood in an intellectual manner, not in the heart. Perhaps in old age or desperation he will want to achieve what a ben Dovid can, but he only understands this with his mind, and it is not truly instilled in his soul.

This is found also amongst those who study Kaballah, delicate matters which are rooted in the heart "each person understands what his heart comprehends," yet they understand and discuss them as if they were studying the more conventional portions of the Torah. The reality is that the person has not touched or met or even stood on the doorstep of these topics whatsoever. This is in contrast to a person who is humble and lowly, who may not have a lot of clarity in book knowledge and discussion, but he absorbs the root of things in the depths of his soul and lives the words in their most basic way, and with their deeper meaning.

A ben Yosef is not himself, there's no "him" there. He has things that he has achieved, but he doesn't have himself. He lives his success, and not his essential self. A ben Dovid lives his highest self, an inner life. When the ben Yosef speaks in the language of a ben Dovid he speaks of appearances and not essential truths, the essence of something can not be revealed. Emunah (faith) is a feeling in the heart, it is not given over to the mind. The faint light of Moshiach is not given to those who only know of intellectual success.

It is from the point of view of ben Dovid that יום נקם בלבי ושנת גאולי באה, "The day of vengeance is in my heart and the year of my redemption is coming." The point of redemption is an essential point that is hidden in the heart - it cannot be grasped or explained. When he comes to speak to Hashem he comes without any statements from Chazal, with no ideas and no explanations. He has nothing other than the Monarchy of Hashem. He is speaking to Hashem and has nothing else. צמאה לך נפשי כמה לך בשרי "My soul thirsts for you; my flesh pines for you." On the word כמה Rashi comments "There is nothing similar," meaning that there is no way in the world to explain the pining in words. (unlike other places where Rashi, commenting on an uncommon word says "There is nothing similar in Scripture," here is leaves out "In Scripture.") He is explaining that this pining cannot be explained in words in order to compare it to other things. It is only the secret of light.

Who can penetrate the secret of the Neshama of Ben Dovid, about whom Rebbe Nachman writes "He hears his humiliation, and is quiet and silent," his entire life is divorced from the existence of this world. How much humility is in him, how much light of cleaving to Hashem results from this attitude. As Dovid says in Tehillim (69):

For I have borne humiliation because of You; disgrace has covered my face.

I was strange to my brothers, and alien to the sons of my mother.

For the envy of Your house has consumed me..I became a lesson to them, those who sit at the gates chat about me... And my prayer to you Hashem... You know my humiliation, shame and disgrace... my humiliation has broken my heart... I am poor and in pain, your Salvation, Elokim, will protect me.             To grasp this delicately fine point is not the ability of the mind of ben Yosef, only the center of a heart that is clean to Hashem.

The Way to Achieve Yichud: The Heart and not the Mind: 5

The distinction between these two approaches can be understood in comparison to a child who comes to his mother to tell her about something that happened to him. He is seeking comfort and to receive pity and understanding כאיש אשר אמו תנחמנו, "like a man whose mother comforts him." If he comes to her and tells her exactly what occurred - all of his suffering and mistreatment - then he awakens her maternal instincts and her heart opens to spread over him her wings of mercy and to let him know how good and precious he is to her her and that she will always love him.

But her reaction would be very different if as he tells her of his suffering he peppers his words with detailed explanations, "Yesterday, I treated my friend in such-and-such a manner because he is jealous of me. As a result today he paid me back and insulted me and hurt me." The explanations shut the mother's heart. Now everything makes logical sense; what more can she say? What can she respond? He prepared a vessel into which to pour his pain, but then closed the pathway to her caring. What can she add now by sharing her love and concern for her son with regards to this behavior that has already been fully explained?

This is the great gulf that exists between the heart and mind. When a tiny bit of the heart opens to Hashem, and then the mind mixes in, it muddies things and clogs them. It lowers all the words of the heart to the level of the mind, with understanding and explanation. There is no room left to awaken the heart. Everything is organized, settled and explained- the heart is absent.

The Way to Achieve Yichud: The Heart and not the Mind: 4

There are two types of Hisbodidus, ways to speak before Hashem about the things occurring in one's life. The first way is to explain the reasons and causes as to what is happening to himself. The person has in his mouth and heart various understandings of what is happening to him, and as he comes before Hashem he tells what happened along with his own commentary.

For example if something painful occurs, and in his mind he draws an analogy with the way in which Dovid HaMelech was persecuted by Doeg, Achisofel and Shaul, and that many true Tzaddikim over the generations were persecuted, and therefore those who follow in their path are inevitable similarly persecuted etc. Perhaps he also interprets his suffering as connected to some Gilgul (reincarnation) that results in his having to suffer at the hands of a particular person. He also thinks that since in the past others in such situations were saved, in all probability he will be saved as well. He has in his back pocket much understanding and insight.

Similarly, if he is coming to daven about financial success, he carries with him all sorts of statements of Chazal (Sages) and stories of those who were financially rescued with Divine intervention. On the basis of all these he believes that salvation and success will come his way as well.

This is the approach of משיח בן יוסף (Moshiach ben Yosef), the one who bestows. As he enters Hisbodidus and he feels lowly and pained because of his pain and suffering, he has well thought out things with which to approach Hashem. He comes with specific chapters of Tehilim (Psalms) which Dovid said at times of difficulty. He understands that he needs to connect what is happening to him with previous events.

The second approach is that of משיח בן דוד (Moshiach ben Dovid) that of מלכות (Malchut) of receiving. He approaches Hashem like a destitute man speaking his words - telling it like it is. No manipulation, understanding, insight or good ideas. Like a complete ignoramus. Only with אמונה (total faith). בהמות הייתי עמך "I was like an animal with you." As he opens his mouth, his pains and the suffering of his heart roll out exactly as they are, he offers no reason, cause or explanation. Not from past history and not from his own ideas of how things should be. He is like a child and a simpleton before the Truth of Hashem. He has nothing of his own, plain and simple. He has no statements of Chazal, or verses or ideas to which to compare his plight. He only has his simple faith.

The Way to Achieve Yichud: The Heart and not the Mind: 3

The main connection between two is through the heart. This is why it says בטח בה לה בעלה, "Her husband"s heart has trust in her," specifically the heart. The true Hisbodidus is when a Jew is able to give his heart to Hashem and to feel in his heart Hashem's closeness to himself.

We should emphasize that in Hashem's request "My son, give your heart to me," the heart is primary. What good does it do for a Jew to understand with his intellect and mind lofty concepts if his heart doesn't feel? This is why the Torah says וידעת היום והשבות אל לבבך, "And you should know today and instill within your heart," כי ה' הוא האלוקים אין עוד, "That Hashem is the God, there is no other." The meaning is not only that the mind should direct the heart and the understandings of the mind should penetrate the feelings of the heart, but there is something deeper and more fundamental being expressed here.

Knowledge of the brain that is not instilled within the heart is not fit to be called knowledge. The concept that the inner heart is higher than the brain is that the brain serves the heart. It is there to assist the heart with understanding and conceptualizing, but all with the ultimate goal of instilling within the heart. A person must feel in the deepest recesses of his Nefesh and heart the spirit and soul of the knowledge. The phrase מתיישב אל הלב, instilled within the heart is a common expression to denote a clear understanding that is thoroughly instilled within the Nefesh of a person, and it is in the heart, only in the heart is it called truly acquired knowledge.

The Navi says דברו על לב ירושלים, "Speak to the heart of Jerusalem." The Bais HaMikdosh (Temple) is the heart and source of life for mankind. Hashem is the heart of Man as it says "To you my heart says." We find authors often writing "My heart tells me." They never write "My brain tells me." This is because the feeling of the heart is primary. We find someone being praised for having a Jewish heart, this is more meaningful than a Jewish mind. Outsiders may be impressed by the intellect of the Jews, we are impressed by the heart.

When we come with intellect and use it to capture someone's heart, that is love that is dependent on something. When the thing is gone, the love is gone. But a heart based connection is something that penetrates deeply into the Nefesh and takes root.

The Way to Achieve Yichud: The Heart and not the Mind: 2

When one's connections with his friends are superficial, with superficial speech and the enjoyment of brilliant comments, then the heart cries out that it feels disconnected; when will it be able to feel a heart-to-heart connection? The mind can generate a certain intellectual pleasure, but it is not truly one with the person.

Consequently, when two people have an intellectual connection, they are not connected to the person who is intelligent, but to the intelligence itself. Only a heart-to-heart connection is a true interpersonal connection; a connection to the essence of the person. For this reason Chassidic works teach that the inner heart is higher than the intellect (even though the mind can rule over the heart, the inner heart is greater). When a person engages in Hisbodidus (individual contemplation before Hashem) he would like not to be engaged in a superficial relationship with Hashem, but with a deep inner, heart-based connection.

Initially as he discusses lowly matters he feels that he has not yet reached the true level of closeness that he craves - to be with Hashem and next to him with a true heartfelt connection.

The Way to Achieve Yichud: The Heart and not the Mind: 1

First off a disclaimer. I am not starting from the beginning of the Sefer. This morning I was learning a particular section and it was very meaningful to me, so I am choosing to start there and then revert to the beginning.

There are certain things that appear important and beautiful that are noticeable to the naked eye (e.g. intelligence, success, and physical beauty) which awaken jealousy in those who are lacking these attributes. However the connections that an intelligent person creates with his friends are not necessarily better and longer-lasting as a result of his intelligence. Frequently the opposite is true: the connections between simple people, those lacking his intelligence, are nicer and simpler and possessing an  inner חן (beauty) that is lacking in the complex connections between an intelligent person and his friends.

Similarly, there are those who approach Hashem on the basis of their Mitzvah accomplishments or their Torah knowledge - these form the basis of the connection between themselves and their Creator. But those who understand know that it is not certain that this is a more proper and desired connection in Hashem's view. It is possible that one who approaches with simplicity and a sincere heart, even if he is lacking in Torah, Mitzvos, wisdom and knowledge, has an inner חן (beauty) that is the essence of יחוד (unifying) between a Creation and his Creator.

Occasionally, the friends of intelligent people find that the more intelligent people don't have much need for them. Whenever they come knocking at his door he is busy with his important things and they feel that he doesn't truly want to interact with them. On the contrary, a simpler person more often has his door open for his friends. His friends feel that he values them and he turns to them for help. All of this increases the strength of his interpersonal connections. Take this as a metaphor for how a person relates to Hashem.

Yichud: Definition

Whenever we refer to the word Yichud (יחוד) in the context of our discussion here, we are not referring to any concepts such as the Yichud (unification) of Holy Name which are discussed by the Ariza"l. Rather, we are referring to something which is pertinent to each and every person:

• A true connection
• An inner connection
• A connection that is based on a willing and interested heart with a connected mind

Chassidic thought teaches us that every movement a person makes - whether in thought, speech or action - that is done willingly and with the heart's intent, is a Yichud - a unification with  Hashem. This is because it brings about a revelation of Hashem's unity within the world.

Introduction

Yichud HaHisbodidus is a wonderful work written by Rav Avraham Zvi Kluger. The focus of the work is on explaining how one develops a relationship with Hashem (God) that leads to meaningful prayer. To the best of my knowledge it is unique in its focus on the concept of prayer as relationship as opposed to any other aspect of prayer.
As we are just now beginning the month of Elul which we are taught stands for אני לדודי ודודי לי, I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me, it is a most appropriate time of year to explore what a relationship with Hashem means. As the work is written in Hebrew, I will post daily translations of his teachings.