The Importance of Relationships: 1d

It is not only work or other people that can serve as an escape from loneliness, but sometimes one can engage in activities that are spiritually uplifting as an escape from solitude. There are other things in which a person can engage and be very successful, but his real motive for the involvement is not the success, but the escape from being alone.

The reason for this is because the real intent in all good things is that they should serve as a vehicle to empower a person to connect to the Source of Life (as we will discuss later). It is not in order that the person should find a place of success, which is really just an escape from ones self. Although, ulterior motives can ultimately lead to better motives, this is only going to occur if one's focus is to ultimately come to a higher plane and not that one views spiritual matters as a key to success and respect or as an escape from dealing with ones self.

The Importance of Reationships: 1c

Many people are frequently seeking out connections, as our sages teach us טב למיתב טן דו מלמיתב ארמלו, it is preferable to be part of a twosome, than it is to be alone. Even the act of searching for someone to whom one can connect relieves some of the oppressive feeling of being alone. The idea that there is perhaps someone who wants them and may be responsive, relaxes a person with the knowledge that they are possibly not alone.

Even if one finds a friend or relative who helps by providing some companionship, if the person won't verbalize the fact that he feel alone and disconnected and needs company as he is uncomfortable being alone, the companion can't really help because the relationship will always be expressed in other terms and not the real issue which it addresses. This is why many people have friends, but still feel lonely; they feel uncomfortable that they need the relief from loneliness.

The Importance of Reationships: 1b

If a person is employed by someone else and then uses his paycheck to pay for services provided to him by others, then he is relationship with many different people. He is not alone. Many people go to work every day not just because they need the money, but in order to have a reason to get up each morning. They need someplace to go to escape being alone. This may be subconscious, but can be seen by the way some people are chomping at the bit to return to work after a vacation.

Some people alleviate their loneliness by having a pet. Others by listening to the news. Either way, they don't want to be alone and they require something external to which they can connect. It will lift them up and give them what to think about and to connect to.

Often people escape with food, the taste enables them to feel something other than the empty feeling of being alone. One drink after another, one bite after another...

The Importance of Relationships: 1a

Hashem created the world in such a way that a person cannot exist alone. People always needs others in order to accomplish things; so they can incorporate within their lives things which are external to their essential selves.

Nowadays we can see this clearly when a person misplaces his phone. After a short time he begins to lose his mind. Other people need him and he needs them! The connections are part and parcel of his life. How can he be so alone?! (A person may want a break from his phone for a time, but he will quickly begin to miss it. He had just been feeling that it was becoming a burden because he was with it 24/7.)

A person's desire to connect to other people and his need to know what is going on with them shows that he cannot be by himself. This is what leads to his running from being alone to connect to others. Not only is relating to family members and escape from loneliness, but even work can be an escape from aloneness. This is why our sages compared a job to a wife.

When You're Lost: 7

As a person surveys her life she will see that there have been many days which seem to have been with no purpose. Most of her life seems to be constantly switching between days of inspired action and times of sluggish inaction.

Those days which seem to be purposeless are days of Emunah. These are the times that a person must accept that she has a reason for being alive, even if she does not understand why. At the end of the life of Avraham Avinu the Torah tells us ואברהם זקן בא בימים, and Avraham was old he came with his days. He came before Hashem even with those days that seemed to have no purpose. His Emunah told him they were with reason, even if he lacked any understanding. בימים (with his days) has the identical Gematria (numerical value) as אמונה (Emunah).

בנים (children) also shares the same Gematria. The entire existence of the Children of Israel relies on Emunah. The creation of the world was predicated on God's lusting to have a place to dwell below. A lust is not something that can be explained logically. It is what it is. Emunah is knowing this and thereby becoming one with Hashem.

When You're Lost: 6

It is difficult to create a situation in which a person can find Emunah, as it is only when a person finds himself bereft of everything. It is then that he can find eternal life for himself. This is when he finds the Light of Moshiach and truly knows there is nothing other than Hashem. When he no longer can see his life through the prism of his ego he can finally see that his life is directed solely to Hashem. He then reveals the Kingdom of Hashem on earth.

When You're Lost: 4b

As people embark on a true relationship with Hashem they will find themselves entering into a state of desolation and constriction. Find themselves with no feeling and no understanding. All they have is Emunah. From there they need to instill deep into their souls the concept of Emunah such that even when things are going wonderfully for them they will retain an Emunah based relationship with Hashem.

This is why the experience of תחיית המתים, the resurrection of the dead, must precede the full consciousness of Hashem. Were a person to achieve that consciousness without dying first, he would assume that it somehow resulted from his efforts and studies during his lifetime. It is only by undergoing death previously that one can truly comprehend Emunah in Hashem.

This is why the epitome of Emunah was found at the Splitting of the Yam Suf. It could only come after they had completely given up and were no longer inspired and encouraged by anything that had come beforehand. This is why our Sages teaches us that in אז ישיר, the Song by the Sea there is an allusion to the ultimate resurrection of the dead. They both share the same elements.