Being in the Present: 1a

A person can pray about the future or acknowledge the past, but hisbodidus is always about the present. Intimacy is always in the present.

One person may look for assurances that her situation will change from the way it currently is; that she will be  extracted from her current bitter state and renewed to a better future. Another may hope that the present suffering will help her become a new person. Neither of them are living in the present. But there may be a person who wants to grasp the moment of time in which she currently finds herself. This is the secret of intimacy in the present. That will lead her to understanding and life in the present situation as is. (Also, despair is only for those who are living in the past or the future. For one living in the present there is no concept of despair.)

Prayer and self-reckoning are a search for a solution to a problem. If a person finds herself lacking in his Divine service, for example, she will contemplate the root of the problem and how to rectify it so that it no longer manifests itself. She may also seek assistance to change her ways.

Hisbodidus, by contrast, comes from the realization that she has nothing and cannot do anything. There is no solution in the world that she can implement. She is like a child or like someone mired in debt with no apparent way out. She is engaging in Hisbodidus as a means of bringing Hashem into her current situation and to breathe life into it; into the debts in which she is mired. Subsequently she will give some thought as to how to arrange things and to seek advice and direction. The point of the Hisbodidus is not to find solutions but to bring the issue before Hashem. To bring the feeling of being intimate with Hashem into the current situation.

Hashem Wants You: 6

A person may have excellent skills to do something rather simple on his own, while at the same time having the ability to perform even greater feats but needing the assistance of the others to accomplish them. You should know that the person's true beauty is revealed by those things that he can do alone. That is his lot before his Creator.

An example would be someone who is able to study Mishnah on his own, but finds it difficult to truly comprehend Gemara unless he is teaching it. He can then really bring to bear his full understanding of the material. It is clear that "his Torah" is Mishnah and his Gemara teaching is a way to actualize abilities that he can't actualize on his own. If he would then concentrate on Gemara study he may accomplish great things, but he is ignoring that which is intimately his. It may not bring him the most fame amongst people, but it is what really connects him to Hashem.

With all his amazing insights into the Gemara, which he doesn't see in his more simplistic study of Mishnah, he knows that his connection is superficial and he is not really connecting to Hashem through his study. The result is that after time he will be less inclined to prepare, as it is not something touching his essence, but something he just does. The class is lacking and he is lacking.

There is a strong possibility that if he would consult with someone for advice as to whether or not to continue the class he would be advised to continue teaching it as it is bringing out all of his deep insights. But that is because the issue is being asked and responded to quickly without either party really delving into the person's true nature. A superficial question and discussion produce a superficial decision. Only someone who knows him well and takes the time to really understand the issue can advise him on what to do to open himself up to Hashem. In the short-term it may be a longer discussion, but in the long-term it will save him much heartache and confusion.

That which is simplest and easiest to a person is his path to Hashem and he an't escape it. When he tries to exchange it for something else, he will quickly discover his lack of success.

Hashem Wants You: 5

If there is no place for focusing on one's shortcomings or on the good traits other's have but you are lacking as they disturb the intimate connection, where then does the concept come in that קנאת סופרים תרבה חכמה, jealousy of other's good points increases ones wisdom and good deeds?

The answer is that this type of jealousy is only of value to someone who really understands his own nature and is not seeking to exchange who he is for something else. Such a person has the ability to see what someone else is doing with his unique set of abilities and learn how to do something by then incorporating it into his own unique self and with his own set of skills. If, on the other hand, the jealousy mistakenly leads someone to lose his own self-respect and feels that his own life is worthless, then the jealousy has no value. When the Torah says that Rochel was jealous of her sister Leah our Sages explain that she was jealous of Leah's good deeds. I.e. she didn't want to be Leah, but she wanted to know how she could incorporate Leah's good deeds into her own personna. If a person is lacking self-knowledge he lacks the tools for self-improvement.

Furthermore, people say that a thief is not someone who knows how to steal, but one who actually steals. In the same vein one who is a scholar and pious is not one who has the book knowledge associated with learning and piety, but one who lives his learning and piety. Anyone with any understanding is aware that there is no value to great knowledge. Living what you know, that's where it's at. Better to know a little and live it genuinely than to be walking around with all the understanding in the world.

What is the value in coming before Hashem with all this understanding of what you should be and how your life should be, and what others are? Hashem will say in response, "Be who you are. Come to me with who you are, that is what is precious to me. Much more so than what you aren't, and you wish you were."

Hashem Wants You: 4

It's worth taking a look at the entire concept of חשבון הנפש, usually understood to mean a self-reckoning. The word חשבון is understood to be an accounting. The idea of חשבון הנפש then is to add up all the deeds one has or hasn't done, and what he aspires to do, and then ask for Divine assistance to accomplish the goals. However, the word חשבון can also be understood to be rooted in מחשבה, thought. The concept of חשבון הנפש would then be to the soul thinking in connection with its Creator.

Rebbe Nachman says that a broken heart and being down are not synonymous. Being down and frustrated is the work of one's ego. A broken heart, by contrast, is very precious to Hashem. Being down and angry that things aren't going your way, that is the ego taking control. A broken heart comes from a realization of distance and not wanting to feel distant. It is worth spending a small amount of time each day contemplating your distance from Hashem, but the rest of the day you should be joyful.

Hashem Wants You: 3

Imagine that you come to visit your friend and you are in the mood for a heart-to-heart talk. Your friend, rather than sitting down and engaging with you in an intimate manner, spends the entire time straightening up her home. You are desperately desiring to share your inner feelings and you are frustrated by your friend's inattention. Even if her efforts are geared to making her home nicer for you, that isn't why you made the effort to come.

The same is true when a person comes to communicate with Hashem. If the person spends her time talking about what she did or didn't do, or chooses to engage in a process of self-reckoning, Hashem's response is, "That's not what I want. Give me your heart. Give me your soul. Connect to me. Why are you speaking about these other things? That's for a different time." One's heart should know when it is appropriate to engage in a self-reckoning of one's behavior, and when it is time to sing songs of praise to Hashem.

Sometimes it is more comfortable to be a guest is a home that is somewhat disorganized because you feel that you are experiencing the home as it genuinely is. They haven't made any out of the ordinary efforts on your behalf, but are presenting their home as it truly is. On the other hand, if you feel that an inordinate amount of effort has been expended to preparing for your arrival, it may be beautiful, but it feels uncomfortable and fake.

In the same vein, when a person brings Hashem into her heart as is, without giving any thought to how she can present herself in a better manner, it is very precious in Hashem's eyes. The person is living in integrity and is bringing true nachas to Him.

Figuring out what you are doing right or wrong in your life has a place, but it's place is not when you are trying to connect to Hashem. Self-reckoning is focusing on one's self; davening is focusing on a relationship. Both are needed, but they are found in disparate places.

Hashem Wants You: 2

When there is a real relationship - in which case what really counts is the relationship itself - then it is love that is not dependent on something external. Both parties want the connection they share and the relationship without giving thought to those things that come along with a relationship. Since they are strongly connected, if one of them does not act towards the other in a perfect manner - in a manner appropriate for people who are engaged in a relationship - the other forgives and does not become all upset. The inner love has now brought about a change in external behavior.

Someone who conducts himself in this manner - that his main focus is on the heart-to-heart connection and not on superficial behaviors - can also connect to Hashem. He can seek a relationship and companionship even if he is not fit on the basis of his behavior alone. This is because even between people there is a concept of "Love atones for all sins," and he now seeks such a relationship with his Creator.

Hashem Wants You: 1

Hashem wants a relationship with a person because of his very existence, his soul. It has nothing to do with any good points the person has or doesn't have. This is similar to the fact that prior to marriage there are many praises heaped on the bride or groom as far as how wonderful they are. Most of these are irrelevant once the marriage has begun. That is because these are all superficial and once the marriage begins what really matter is how the couple relates to each other, not what other strong points they might have. So, too, in order to have a true relationship with Hashem you do not resort just to superficial behaviors but to directly relating.

Imagine a woman who works hard every day to prepare a good meal. But each day she is distraught because she doesn't do as good a job as other women. She criticizes herself for her failure. Eventually her husband can't stand listening to her daily bitterness and says to her, "I appreciate what you cook every day. But I would rather have raw vegetables and peace. Why must you worry every day about what others have and we don't?"

In the same vein if a person's self-perception is that he is of little value, and he is not someone worthy of others' esteem, and every time he approaches Hashem with what he is, he kvetches that "Here I am. But I am not good and worthy like others," then his words do not bring him into Hashem's favor at a time of intimacy. At that time people want reality, not lamenting about some Utopian dream that is unattainable presently. What is wanted is satisfaction from who the person is, not worrying about what others have.