The Foundations of Relationship:6a

Based on the concept that we have previously presented, that people are vessels to receive the light of Hashem, we can understand the following:

The Torah describes the creation of Woman from Man. We need to consider this in light of the understanding that all people are receivers from Hashem. Whatever is described in the creation of Chava is equally true of any recipient in Creation.

All of the farm animals, wild animals and birds were initially created separately, male as well as female. Only man was created as one unified being - like his Creator. Subsequently Hashem stated that He would make a helpmate opposite him. He put Adam to sleep and "took one of his ribs. And God built the rib that he had taken from the Man into a Woman, and He brought her to the Man. And the Man said 'this time a bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh. She shall be referred to as אשה (woman) for she was taken from an איש (man).'"

The very rib which ultimately became an independent being was initially a bone from his bones. When they were united it was an integral part of him. Afterwards, when Hashem took it and built it, and brought her to Adam, Adam and Chava saw what was clearly true, that she was a bone from his bones and was not a separate existence (as it seemed while he was sleeping.) This is why he called her אשה, because her very being was taken from him.

The result was that in their subsequent life together it was not a joining between two disparate parts - as we would find by the other creatures that were not created as one being - but with man the one that had become two, now returned to a perfect unity as had existed prior to the initial separation.  At the time of completion there are not two entities, but only one that is now returning to it pre-separation state. The recipient is clearly not separate, as it seemed at the time of its formation, but a rib of the ribs of the one who provided for her, for from Man she was taken.

The Foundations of Relationship: 5b

A person who subordinates himself to his Creator is modest with his behaviors and does not reveal them publicly. His whole relationship with his Creator is private so why would he feel a need to paint himself before others with a superficial picture. But someone who does not subordinate himself to Hashem feels  a lack of peace and tranquility if he is not exhibiting himself outwards, he feels that he has nothing. He therefore tells others of his stature and accomplishments and takes pride in them. He makes efforts to attribute some sort of accomplishment to himself. He lacks the awareness that true accomplishment comes from a total giving over of oneself to his Creator.

It is most appropriate for a woman to dress nicely and put on makeup. Done in that way to be attractive to her husband is a beautiful expression of Tznius (modesty). If she is doing so to catch the attention of those outside of her marriage it is the diametric opposite of Tznius. So too, a person needs to beautify himself with pride in his spiritual accomplishments before his Creator. But when he takes pride in them before others it has the opposite effect, and before his Creator he is naked of any beauty. A person needs to reveal himself as a vessel for Hashem's honor and glory and the light then shines upon him and gives him life.

Even though everything a person has ultimately comes from Hashem, and any adornments we put on to present ourselves to Hashem come from Him, He appreciates our coming before Him with what he gives us as we are carrying with pride what we received from Him.

Do Not Disturb

This is not from the Sefer Yichud HaHisbodidus. It is an article I wrote a year ago which was published in Hamoida. I remembered about this article this afternoon when I received an email from an acquaintance who had stumbled over this blog and had found it very meaningful. I am posting it here as it is relevant to our theme of making davening meaningful.

The headline of the ad on the back page of Hamodia Magazine read: Gedolim and Rabbonim Demand: Turn off your cell phones before davening.
Demand!
The first vision that entered my mind was of visiting my grandparents when I was a child and accompanying my grandfather to shul. If someone spoke during Krias HaTorah  the Rov would walk up to thebimah bang his hand loudly and shout at those who were speaking to quiet down. I can picture him standing there, his facing burning with righteous indignation, his large round eyes giving a piercingly angry look at the transgressors. I was certainly terrified to speak there.
But as my thoughts turned to the present and the issue at hand I realized that what troubled me was: Why is the ad focusing on a symptom instead of worrying about the core issue?
I would encourage you to read the introductory section to Rav Kook's Olas R'Iyah on Tefillah. See how he poetically describes over and over again that Tefillah, being an Avodah She'Ba'Lev, is meant to be an expression of one's pining desire for a relationship with Hashem. As we awake in the morning we are wanting to connect to Him before we go out into the world and engage in our mundane pursuits. As we conclude our workday and are returning home, we desperately desire to reconnect with Hashem to share with Him all the emotions and struggles that we contended with during the day. As we are about to go to sleep we once again want to take leave of Him before we lay down to sleep. If people would come to shul desperately wanting to utilize the time to enhance their relationship with Hashem would they be taking out their cell phones in the middle of davening?!

Imagine a husband and wife who love each other who have had to be apart for a period of time. Finally, they are able to arrange to spend a weekend in a hotel together. Will anyone need to demand of them to hang the do-not-disturb sign on their door?

But when davening is a Halachic obligation that one must fulfill, or one is davening out of a sense of needing to do it in order to get what he or she wants, and one is lacking that thirst to connect to Hashem, is there any wonder that the result is people speaking on their cell phones? Their needs to be a paradigm shift in the way Tefillah is being taught to children as well as to adults. Here are my "demands" to that end:

• I "demand" that children not be taught to daven until they are old enough to understand what they are saying. (By the way, this is what Chazal teach as well.)
• I "demand" that the emphasis on Tefillah education be moved from a Halachic based model to one that emphasizes and models the meaning of Avodah She'Ba'Lev. Even teaching the meaning of the words of davening, vital as that is, needs to be subordinated to the very foundation of Tefillah itself.
• I "demand" that the concept of Tov me'at b'kavanah, that it is better to cover less ground in the siddur and to do so with a real connection to Hashem, rather than getting through the prescribed daily Tefillah but lacking any relationship withHashem, be emphasized in all schools and shuls.

As one of the first steps for the Exodus from Egypt, the Torah says that the King of Mitzryaim died and the Children of Israel sighed from the work and they cried out to Hashem. Mitzrayim  is frequently understood to be a metaphor for being in a constricted place. It is only when we remove the constrictions that bind us, when we let out a sigh of relief from the freedom of seeing Tefillah as work, as a chore that must be done, rather than as something we are chalishing  to do, that we will truly be able to cry out to Hashem and be free.

The Foundations of Relationship:5a

As we have mentioned, all of Creation are recipients from Hashem. Therefore any concepts applicable to those who are receivers apply to all mankind whoever they are. It stands to reason then that the concepts of צניעות (modesty) which are primarily applied to women - who primarily symbolize the role of the recipient - are applicable to all people, as everyone is a recipient from Hashem. All those who have received the Torah are considered as the bride of Hashem.

The concept of צניעות is that of self-nullification and giving ones self over to the bestower. Everyone needs to have this attitude towards Hashem in order to receive His light and enable Him to have a dwelling place on Earth. Spiritual people have an awareness that they are vessels to receive the light that Hashem bestows according to His will.

Covering of the hair (for men and women) is an expression of this subordination. An uncovered head is a statement of ones conducting his or herself in an independent manner and is an expression of hubris. The head is the seat of thinking and it is in the intellect where a person can most easily err to feel that his success is independent of Hashem. By covering it a person is acknowledging his submission to Hashem.

This is why a head covering is called a כיפה, it shares a root with the word כפיפה which means bent in submission, as the Gemara says "Cover your head in order that you have awe of Heaven."

The Foundations of Relationship: 4b

An understanding person knows that despite all of the efforts he exerts, his accomplishments are attributed to Hashem who has bestowed upon him the Light. Even though he is the one who actualized all the details of his own life, nevertheless, as he is merely the vessel for the light - the recipient - the glory is to the Eternal and the Creation has no independent existence.

Many people view the ideal of any relationship as being 50-50. They may even view the recipient (in our earlier example that would be the workers) as being higher than the bestower as they are the ones who are exerting the greatest amount of physical effort and they view the workers as having the greatest share of the outcome.

However, the Torah teaches us that there is light and there is a vessel. As long as all the light and life comes from the bestower, the existence of the recipient is predicated on how far he subordinates his or herself to the bestower. It is clear that the success of the project is based on the extent to which each worker give himself over to the overall building plan. Were each worker to decide that he was going to follow his own ideas the project would be a failure.

The Foundations of Relationship: 4A

If a person chooses to live in the manner - with the awareness that his vessel is subordinate to the Light, such that he has no self-existence - he will discover that this is far from easy. This is because the recipient is constantly screaming out "I have my own existence," even though without the bestower he would have nothing at all.

This is similar to a person who merits to receive inspiration from a Tzaddik and subsequently, on the strength of that inspiration, puts great effort into serving Hashem and Torah study. Imagine if afterwards someone were to say to him, "Indeed, you put in a lot of effort. However, it was not from yourself, it was all from what the Tzaddik gave you. What you received from your teacher is what gave you the ability to accomplish. It was all him!"

In response to this the inspired person begins to shout, "What difference does it make if the Tzaddik inspired me?! I am the one who worked day and night. All that work was mine. His inspiration got me started, but I am the one who put in the effort to continue." It is undoubtedly true that a mother is the one who carries the burden of childbirth, but without a father there would be nothing. So too, in our case the "father" of the accomplishment is the one who inspired, not the one who did.

This is true in many areas. When workers build a building with great effort and sweat, no one attributes the finial product to the workers, rather it is known for the company that built it or perhaps the architect. They are the ones who are credited with bringing forth the project from beginning to end. The workers shout : Without us there would be no building, we toiled to bring about the result. They are correct. But the rest of the world will credit those who came up with the idea to build or who facilitated the building. Not those who actualized it.

The Foundations of Relationship: 3

This is the central distinctions between the spiritual levels that are completely good (referred to in Kaballistic terminology as אצילות) and the lower levels (בריאה, יצירה, עשייה) in which elements of evil are mixed in. (I apologize, I cannot elaborate on these Kabbalistic terms within the scope of this particular blog. I have included links for those who wish to pursue some understanding. There is no Kaballistic knowledge needed to grasp the messages of Yichud HaHisbodidus.)

On the lower levels  Creation is not completely subordinate to the Light of Hashem. It senses itself as separate and having its own existence. Any creation would say that is is either fully or partially independent, but certainly has a sense of self. It recognizes that in addition to itself there is Creator whom it must serve and it should choose good in that service, but it still carefully maintains its own identity. What it is lacking is the realization that without the Light from Hashem it would have no existence. That is why these levels are referred to as separate. Not that they are truly separate, but they view themselves as such.

However, in the higher levels where all is good, where the vessels are subordinate to the light they contain, there is a recognition of the fact that their existence is solely to serve as containers. This is what is stated (by women) in the Morning Blessings: שעשני כרצונו, "That He has made me according to His will." A woman is not expressing her recognition in the negative as man does when he recites שלא עשני, "That he did not make me..." A man is stating that I am happy with who I am and I am thankful I was not created differently. The woman, by contrast is expressing her nature and her life in subordination to Hashem, with her special Blessing "That He has made me according to His will." I have nothing; His will is primary. From this self-nullification flows her life and value. This is the most beautiful Blessing possible for a creation, the recognition that with regards to the Bestower, she recognizes her level and acknowledges שעשני כרצונו.